Las Vegas Thoughts
This weeks Manifesto Tip is some stream of consciousness thoughts on Las Vegas:
Although Las Vegas positions itself as an “Anytime, Anywhere” kind of town, there are a few things you want to bring with you before you go there.
1. Bring Chap Stick. News just in, Las Vegas is in the desert. The place is dry as hell. Just look at anyone who grew up there or has been there for any amount of time; mad wrinkles. Obviously, poor white trash genetics could be involved, but everyone gets chapped lips if your there for over a day. And nothing blows a G’s game faster than chapped lips.
2. Bring Gum and Cigarettes (if you smoke anything other than Marlboros or Camels). This will cut down on your trips to the out of the way 7-11’s and you will be able to spend your time more productively (like at a bar with a Goose and Soda in front of you while a fly girl admires your 3 Button Canali pinstripe with pumpkin colored Canali shirt and Blue and pumpkin Zegna tie, blue Versace pocket square and Black lace ups by A. Testoni). The Casinos don’t sell gum. Parliament Cigarettes for instance, are also not sold in Casinos. So bring them.
3. Bring two cell phones. Having a Cell phone break or malfunction, as I have covered in previous Manifesto tips, is not the worst thing in the world, if you have old school game. But why make it hard on yourself? Cell phones, for whatever reason, have a tendency to break in Vegas (girl knocking it into the spa tub in your suite perhaps?). Cell phones have a higher value in Vegas than most towns because “meeting spots” and “lag time” are always something you have to deal with….
4. Bring plenty of CASH. This tip is for those out there where CASH is an object. Obviously it is very easy to get CASH out in Las Vegas. But if you are like most people, you can only get $300 to $400 out at a time. Vegas ATM’s give out money in $100’s. Three or Four Bills doesn’t make a very big Bankroll. As Arnold “The Big Bankroll” Rothstein once said, “A Mans strength is in his Bankroll”. So a smart move is to bring plenty of $20’s so you have a nice big Bankroll. Especially if you get ahead of your ATM.
Other things to keep in mind when going to Las Vegas:
1. The DJ’s are terrible. Keep this in mind when you roll to the Nightclubs there as stated in “The Blueprint for a Perfect Night in Vegas”. This applies even to the “best” clubs there. It’s almost amazing how bad the DJ’s are. I don’t know where they guys were spinning before they got to Vegas, but it must be some where that I have never been. Just understand that they are terrible before you go out, and you won’t feel any need to throw a bottle of Goose at the DJ booth.
2. Nightclub population. Understand going into the night that the people in Vegas nightclubs are extremely low-end. This applies to the “best” nightclubs also. This isn’t New York or Miami Beach. The majority of the people in nightclubs in Vegas, their weekend prior to going to Vegas probably consisted of a bowling alley and dinner at El Torito in place like Tucson or somewhere. It generally speaking is not the jet-setting international crowd. Sure, frequently you will see some Hollywood stars or Professional Athletes (which, who really cares about them?) but the vast majority will be Middle America runoff. The door policies are basically not very exclusive and the people running the clubs, probably cut their teeth in places like Wichita or Denver or some crap.
3. Service in Vegas is very good. This applies to restaurants and bartenders almost across the board. Be very careful though, sometimes the service can be overzealous. Where you really have to be careful is when you are at a bar or restaurant and you pull out a cigarette and the Bartender tries to light it for you with their Bic. They mean well, but if you have a Dunhill lighter or a Zippo, the last thing you want is some overly jumpy bartender lighting your smoke with a cheap lighter. Beware, and always remember, The Rest is Up to You……………………..
A few weeks ago I was in one of the “better” nightclubs in Vegas with a Beautiful Colombiana (that’s a girl from Colombia for the culturally challenged). It was her idea obviously, and although I wasn’t “Behind Enemy Lines”, I was not all that thrilled to be there. Interestingly enough, (or really more like not that interesting) there was some Professional Baseball Player in the spot as well. Now, I don’t follow team sports too much, but I have got word that this guy Jereck Deter or something is pretty good at Baseball and somewhat of a pro baseball “playboy” of sorts. Too bad that the girl he was with, gave me her phone number when he wasn’t looking. He is also lucky that I don’t like bleached blond girls like her and that I was already with a way more fly Colombiana. But still, look at the “scoreboard” Jereck……it reads Deter-0, Mason-1. I would apologize, but I am not going to, about having to send you down to the “minor leagues” of Nightlife. You were just unlucky to be in the same spot as me as the same time. I am sure you’re still a “player”. And in Jereck’s defense, he was wearing, I think a “jumpman” shirt and I was Brioni down. But think about it, this guy is a “playboy of pro baseball”? Who is his competition? A bunch of jerks that chew tobacco with goatee’s and wear tight pants?
Quote of the week:
Marion Barry was robbed at gunpoint and has this to say about it: “There is a sort of an unwritten code in Washington, among the underworld and the hustlers and these other guys, that I am their friend.” ——Now that is a true politician…….MPM
Email of the week in regards to Manifesto Destiny: Innovative Gentleman’s Club Concepts:
“Wow you are the biggest phony. Why don’t you stop lying about your fake life and tell the readers that this is all imaginary. If I wanted to I could go on the internet, find out how much expensive suits cost and write up something like this. I doubt anyone with your “class” and “taste” would quote juvenile or hang out at strip clubs…Stevo”
——Look Stevo, just because you live in some backwater with some chubby wife that doesn’t even know how to cook and clean doesn’t mean you have to take it out on me. What happened to you last weekend? Couldn’t get your favorite table at the Olive Garden? I actually “tone-down” everything I write just to give it more believability. If I told the whole truth, no one would believe me. Also, I actually quote Shakespeare and Voltaire often, but it didn’t seem to go with a piece about Gentleman’s Clubs. Juvenile seemed more fitting. What kind of “strip clubs” do you hang out at? The kind where men are the entertainment? To each his own………skippy…..
“Mr. Mason, I am speechless. Thanks for such priceless instructions on how to “close” in a Vegas gentlemen’s club. I just never thought it had anything to do with my Joop cologne, baby powdered cookies, my Super Cuts pompadour, my stack of wrinkled singles, the Bud Light in front of me or my fake-me-out suit I got from Marshall’s for $79.99. I heard you are spending this weekend on Mr. Paul Allen’s hybrid yacht the “Octopus”, but are you ever available for private lessons?”
——-Weird. Paul Allen does read the Manifesto. Just keep reading…..skippy——–MPM
Michael Porfirio Mason
AKA The Peoples Champ
AKA Giant Killer
The Guide to Getting More out of Life
(Want to see something in The G Manifesto? Send suggestions to firstname.lastname@example.org)