G Manifesto tip of the week 10/12/05: Behind Enemy Lines
Behind Enemy Lines:
Home turf for the G is obviously 5-Star Hotels, The Best Nightclubs/ Gentleman’s Clubs, Top-Notch Restaurants, and Dope Lounge Bars. When you’re in these types of joints, life is good. And obviously, hanging out with Models and High Society Girls is part of the Goal of “The Life”.
But every G can’t just live off a steady diet of Models and High Society Girls. You need to intermix some different types of girls into the fold. For instance, you might meet a beautiful “Suicide Girl” that strikes your nervous system the right way. Or meet a fly beach bunny or college girl. Or really, any illmatic girl from a different social strata. The upside is these girls can really give your body a workout and your mind a rest. The downside is that when you are hanging out with these girls you sometimes might find yourself “Behind Enemy Lines”. This happens when the girl your with convinces you to go to a place that her and her friends hang out at. The kind of place you would never, ever make a decision to go to with a sober mind. Like when you are at some artsy, tattoo, and nose ring type gig. Or at a shitty beach-type bar. Or at some weesh house party. The dead give away is when you walk in to the joint, and your suit–shirt–tie ensemble costs way more than what everyone else in the bar is wearing combined. Or you will know when the cash in your pocket is way more than everyone else in the bars bank accounts combined. Or when you see a lot of guys buying their drinks with Plastic. Or when the bar doesn’t have any Grey Goose. Or a wine list. Or when there is no Tartare on the menu. Or when drinks cost less than 10 bucks. Or when there are way more guys with “MTV Hair” than are guys in Zegna suits. Or when everyone in the bar missed the boat on the “South Beach Miami Model Renaissance” in the late 1990’s. Or when you look around the bar and you don’t recognize anyone…..from anywhere. Or when….you get the point. The bottom line is that you are “Behind Enemy Lines”.
This week’s tip helps you deal with this unfortunate situation. Usually when you are “Behind Enemy Lines”, every girl in the spot is checking you out and every guy in the place is Hating you. You and your $2300.00 suit really have a target on them. This can be a potential time bomb situation. But if you follow these tips you can emerge with a victory on the night.
1. Always stake out a good corner spot. We have already gone over the importance of this, but try to get a spot where your back is to the wall. You want to be able to observe everything that’s going on around you. Now is not the time for any surprises…
2. Make sure your Energy is up. Drink a Rock Star before you go to the spot….or for style points, drink a double espresso….just make sure you are on-point like Phife Dog on the mic during the first three Tribe albums….
3. Be Proactive. Get the bartenders on your team. To deal with this kind of a night, you’re going to need drinks, and you are going to need them right away. So grease the bartender…..Also if you see any guys giving you bad looks, go up and introduce yourself. De-fuse any potential problems.
4. Blackslaps. When you are introducing yourself throw in a lot of Backslaps. Act like you’re the Mayor or at least the silent owner of the bar. Hit people with positive energy. Control the room. (This is the Legendary Washington DC Restaurateur/ Mob Bag Man “Duke” Ziebert’s technique of working the room…..)
5. Get the bouncers on your team. Most bouncers haven’t had a good day since the last football game of the season Senior year of High School. Be cool to them. Maybe Grease them. If problems arise, they will usually back the guy that slipped them a cool C-Note. (I mean, what do they make on a shift? $80 bucks? A C-Note is a lot of leverage with these guys……)
6. Have lots of CASH on hand. This really goes with out saying. Believe me, it’s way better to be in a place that sucks with a lot of CASH than not enough…..Plus if some jackass guy tries to compete with you for the girl you brought, you can take him into deep financial waters and drown him……………
7. Keep your eyes peeled for the girls that are really checking you out. Get some phone #’s while the girl you came with isn’t looking. Might as well get some “new leads” while your out….just consider it “pay back” to the girl who convinced you to go her crappy spot and introduce you to all her crappy friends. Just make a mental note not to let any of these “new lead” girls convince you to go to any lame spots in the future.
8. Always keep a driver on your payroll. Town cars, in my opinion, are the best….the most style points….limos are decent but are not really all that Agile. When you are finally able to get out of the joint…you want out…and fast…..hailing a cab with all the other fuckheads who were in the bar is completely out of the question…….
9. Worst come to worst, and you get into a serious confrontation, remember to bring a Nickel-Plated Beretta with you. I personally prefer the 9mm. Make sure its Nickel-Plated, because when you wave it around, the lights in the bar will reflect off it and everyone will notice…..hell, at this point you might even want to Heist the joint for all your troubles and turn a little profit on the night…..
You never want to find yourself in Un-friendly G environments. But sometimes it happens. Follow these rules and you will make it out of the spot with the girl who persuaded you to go there, and some new girl leads for the future……The Rest is Up To You…..
Michael Porfirio Mason
AKA The Peoples Champ
(Check out the first generation of the site http://www.gmanifesto.com/ for all the past and future tips of the week)