This Summer I have been logging in heavy hours at The Del Mar Race Track, hustling, gambling and swooping fly girls. I have even taken to eating lemondrops at the track (and I don’t mean those shots that Strip Club Waitress’ always try to get me to do pro-bono, either), all the while enjoying the beautiful 70 degree weather that coastal Southern California has been offering, while the rest of the country sweats it out.
I have been mostly holding court dayside (pre-track) at Red Tracton’s and nightside (post-track) at L’Auberge Del Mar. I did take time to catch Juan Manuel Marquez cook Juan Diaz in the rematch, like I said he would. Another big win for 70’s babies over 80’s babies. And another decent win for my Custom Suit pocket.
I also saw Zenyatta go 18-0 in what Del Mar Thoroughbred Club CEO, Joe Harper, called, “This is the best day Del Mar has ever had. And thanks to not just Zenyatta, but the style and eloquence of people you see in front of you,” from the relaxing confines of The Del Mar Turf Club.
Now after having The Best Feeling again, its time to plan my next strike. Hope your summer is going well also.
Lately, I have been getting a few emails basically asking:
“I know Mardi Gras isn’t exactly your steez, but I will happen to be in New Orleans during that time this year. What advice do you have for an Up and Coming G on the Rise for Mardi Gras?”
Great question. I am still around for you, keeping it underground for you.
Although Mardi Gras isn’t exactly my stilo, I have been in New Orleans during Mardi Gras before (It was a “work” trip, some PicayuneStandover job, back when I used to work for The Barons, in case you wanted to know).
Now, truth be told, Mardi Gras is probably the best “big gig” in America. And although my love for New Orleans is well documented, “big gigs” are not really my Forté anymore. But as far as doing Mardi Gras up “G Style”, you have come to the right place.
Here is how to march through Mardi Gras like “The Second Line”:
Custom Suited Down
The Crescent City, being G Manifesto Turf, is a very Suit Friendly city. Being Suited Up in The City that Care Forgot is never more important than during Mardi Gras. One, you will be dressed doper than your competition. Two, fly girls will be all over you like a Mac Gloss sale at the Beverly Center. Third, and probably most importantly, being Suited Down in The Big Easy is like an all-access pass. This can come in real heavy when you need to cross parade lines and cut down on travel times when you are doing mad Day Swooping. Seriously, you won’t know how important this is until you are there. You can thank me later.
Ritz Carlton Hotel, New Orleans
The Ritz needs to be your Base of Operations during Mardi Gras. Think of it as your Roux. The location, just off Bourbon, is like the Galatoire’s Goute (Crab Maison, Shrimp Maison and Shrimp Remoulade) at Galatorie’s; nothing short of perfection. Furthermore, it is on the French Quarter side of Canal, which can be pivotal, so you don’t get stymied by parades.
The Ritz Lobby Bar is probably the most user friendly Lobby Bar in America. Do like I do; lock the entire place down: from the bartenders, to the waitresses, the general manager, to the bus boys, to the band, to the lounge singer, to the girl whipping up the Bananas Foster.
These days I walk around the Ritz lobby bar like I am some kind of half IRA, half ETA Le Roi. Mad Regal with une couronne, getting everything Lagniappe.
Gentleman’s Clubs
The Gentleman’s Clubs are where you are going to do your strongest work during Mardi Gras. Laissez le Bon temp rouler. Especially, during the early part of Mardi Gras week. To kick the fountain of youth*, the early part of Mardi Gras can be relatively mellow. Not unlike a regular night in The City beneath The Sea.
Bottom line, American’s don’t party as hard as say, the Spanish or the Brazilians. Sorry to debunk the whole myth that American’s party the hardest. We have really become a bunch of sissys in this country. Present company excluded. But that is neither Pascal’s Manale nor Suits by Canali.
Anyways, back to the Gentleman’s Clubs. I have written extensively on Swooping Exotic Dancers. Re-read The G Manifesto and follow to The Seventh Letter. You should do more than fine.
Some of my finest moments of Triomphe have happened in New Orleans Gentleman’s Clubs. Well, the activities that took place succeeding, anyway.
Way Down Yonder In New Orleans – Louis Armstrong
Bourbon Street, Street Game
My plans to conquer the streets are embedded in my head like the Mark of the Beast.
And when it comes to Bourbon Street Game, I was born with it, I am getting on with it, and I am gonna have it till I am f*cking Dead and Gone with it.
During the early part of Mardi Gras, Bourbon Street can be pretty dope. Keep in mind; you have to sift through a lot of girls to really find the quality. It’s similar to finding une babiole in some King Cake.
As far as all the beads and girls flashing?
Like Ice Cube once said, “I ain’t the one”. Although, I do have mad respect for the culture.
If you follow my tips, and you got the Mojo Bag, Gris-gris, spider dumpling, goofer, black cat bone, and John the Conqueroo, you should have plenty of topless girls back at The Ritz Carlton anyway.
Grinds
You definitely have to get your grind on heavy in “America’s Most Exotic City”. Hit all the main guns; Galatories, Felix’s, August, Café Du Monde, Deenies, Bayona etc.
But also make sure you hit up some of the grind sessions outside the Vieux Carré, like the crawfish boils. And get your Gumbo on. This is where knowing some local Exotic Dancers can really come in handy.
I have been known to go “missing” New Orleans: Miss New Orleans, Miss Louisiana, Miss Metarie, Miss St. Bernard Parish, Miss Chalmette etc.
But always keep your wits about you. One time I woke up in the Bayou covered in blood, a Johnny Favorite record playing on the phonograph, chicken’s feet and mad fans spinning. It was mad weird. Ruined my Ozwald Boateng with le violet, l’or and le vert interior.
Ma Rainey -Louisiana Hoo Doo Blues
Later in the week
During the Later part of Mardi Gras, things simply get too tumultuous and hectic. It could take 45 minutes just to walk from The Ritz to Rick’s Cabaret because of La foule. And your handmade shoes from London will get all scuffed up.
This is when posting up in the tranquil environs of The Ritz Lobby bar will really pay dividends. The Ritz Lobby Bar; a better investment than equities in 2010.
Krewes
If you really have Game, like your humble author, you will infiltrate the parties that The Krewes throw. It is always good to intermix some New Orleans aristocratic “Débutante girls” with a steady diet of Exotics.
So how do you infiltrate these parties and swoop these “Débutante girls”?
Do me a favor.
I have said it before, and I will say it again, for those data sheets, a publisher is going to have to come at me a la Vaynerchuck; seven figs min.
But back when I was a little Baby G, and before I grew into an overly opinionated Super G, I remember watching the Winter Olympics.
I can recall, as clear as an azure sky in deepest winter, this one cat that made an impression on me, who had mad Style, Dash and Class. His name? Alberto Tomba.
Even as a baby G, I had a great eye for other G’s.
A Game recognizes Game situation, if you will. And I am not talking about Ed Hardy shirt wearing Mike “The Situation” either.
Tomba, along with typical scallywag behavior, also had a knack for dropping the verbals:
“I used to have a wild time with three women until 5 a.m., but I am getting older. In the Olympic Village here, I will live it up with five women, but only until 3 a.m.” -Alberto Tomba, on his training habits
Now that’s G. And truthfully, he breaks down exactly how you should train for all athletic endeavors.
Much respect to all those who came before us.
The whole thing is, there are many cats out there that claim “International Playboy“. But they are not students of the International Playboy lifestyle.
George Best is known as one of the most naturally gifted footballers of all time. In Northern Ireland (conicidentally, the same place my Father and Grandfather are from, Belfast), they even say “Maradona good; Pelé better; George Best.” And Danny Blanchflower said, “He has ice in his veins, warmth in his heart and timing and balance in his feet.”
But his achevements on the football pitch aren’t what make him a member of The G Manifesto Hall of Fame, its his achievements in partying and swooping fly girls.
Best always lived an extravagant lifestyle. And like all great athletes and Playboys, smoked cigarettes. When asked later what happened to the money he had earned in his career, Best replied: “I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered.”
His love of booze and the International Playboy lifestyle eventually caught up with him, but he still plugged away until age 59.
And like many Irishmen, Best was also a master of word play:
He cannot kick with his left foot, he cannot head a ball, he cannot tackle and he doesn’t score many goals. Apart from that he’s all right.
– (his assesment of Manchester United’s David Beckham)
I’ve stopped drinking, but only while I’m asleep.
In 1969 I gave up women and alcohol – it was the worst 20 minutes of my life.
I might go to Alcoholics Anonymous, but I think it would be difficult for me to remain anonymous.
People always say I shouldn’t be burning the candle at both ends. Maybe they haven’t got a big enough candle.
It’s a pleasure to be standing here. It’s a pleasure to be standing up. (On being made Footballer of the Century, 1999)
Because I saw an advert on the side of a London bus inviting me to “Drink Canada Dry” (On going to play for Vancouver Whitecaps)
They say I slept with seven Miss Worlds. I didn’t. It was only four. I didn’t turn up for the other three.
Reporter Sue Mott, taking Best’s mobile phone number: “God, do you realise half the women in the world would pay good money to get that number?”
Best: “Half the women in the world have got it.”
And my personal favorite:
I used to go missing a lot…Miss Canada, Miss United Kingdom, Miss World.
I always try to Give back to The People. From small, humble gestures around Christmas time, to handing out Turkeys to the less fortunate during Thanksgiving. And I always do these things Custom Suited Down while smoking grits. For Style points, of course.
Whenever you give back to The People, you should never expect anything in return. You should do it because it is the right thing to do.
If you give, without expecting anything in return, a curious thing happens: You become more G.
It will help make you the best person you can be. And that person swoops mad fly girls.
“While you’ve been reading this three Haitians have died under heaped-up stone unrescued and an AIG executive has earned two hundred dollars for helping wreck the world economy, and he’ll earn three thousand more in the next hour while twenty more Haitians die.”
In light of the earthquake in Haiti, now is good time to start giving, if you haven’t already.
“As a matter of opinion I think he’s tops
My opinion is he’s the cream of the crop
As a matter of taste to be exact
He’s my ideal as a matter of fact” – Mary Wells, singing about me.
#9 The G
Some of you may not have heard of this guy before this year. Chances are, if you found his website, then you already know that you can’t afford his extravagant lifestyle. However, The G defines what it means to be cool. By keeping up with his blog (http://www.thegmanifesto.com), you will find little ways and insights on how to make yourself a cooler guy and separate yourself from other guys in your socio-economic group. The G will teach you what it means to game with swagger, and he truly is a player that is in a league of his own.
This is very hard to disagree with (although I should have been #1), and is very flattering especially since I have never really felt I was a part of the whole Pick Up Artist Movement. At all.
But its true, I have on more that one occasion been called “A Statesman of Cool”. Similar to Ozwald Boateng.
Swooping girls is not all just “Game Technique”. Its about making yourself a better, stronger person.
“Those who would give up essential liberty to purchase a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.” – Benjamin Franklin
Obesity is now a bigger overall threat to people’s health than smoking, according to results of the longest ongoing health study of adults in the United States.
Obesity causes as much or more disease than tobacco, says the study, conducted by researchers from Columbia University and the City College of New York. It adds that while smoking rates are starting to decline, obesity now shortens as many or even more healthy lifespans than tobacco use.
“Health impacts of obesity are, in many ways, much larger, than the health impacts of smoking,” said Dr. Arya Sharma, chairman for obesity research and management at the University of Alberta.
While we are at it, since the “passage of time” is the No.1 killer, shouldn’t we ban the passage of time?
Just to clue everyone in that believes all the crap that our culture and media feeds us, Smoking is not bad for you. I am a living and breathing example of that. So are the Greatest Athletes that have ever lived.
The whole “grass roots” Anti-smoking campaign is financed by Johnson and Johnson, GSK and everyone else who benefits from people quitting. “Smoke Free Kids”? Formed the same year Nicorette hit the market.
If there is one thing you should take away from The G Manifesto (besides How to Pick up Girls), it is to always question what Corporate America and our Government tells us. Especially when what they are telling you is a brainchild of Adolf Hitler.
On a positive note, it seems that NYC is pushing back on the smoking ban:
Six years after New York City passed a ban on smoking in bars and restaurants, it is easier than ever to find smokers partying indoors like it’s 1999, or at least 2002. In November, Eater.com called it “the worst kept secret in New York nightlife” that “smoking is now allowed in numerous nightspots, specifically just about any and every lounge and club with a doorman and a rope.” A few weeks later, GuestofaGuest.com, a blog about New York clubs and bars, posted a “smoker’s guide to N.Y.C. nightlife.”
“Everyone looks the other way,” said Billy Gray, 25, a reporter for Guest of a Guest, who says that he knows precisely which high-end bars and lounges, most of them in the meatpacking district or Lower East Side, will let him smoke inside. Far from deterring smoking indoors, the ban simply adds an allure to it, said Mr. Gray, a half-pack-a-day smoker.
Is it true that you smoke eight to ten cigars a day? That’s true.
Is it true that you drink five martinis a day? That’s true.
Is it true that you still surround yourself with beautiful young women? That’s true.
What does your doctor say about all of this? My doctor is dead.
- George Burns
The Rest is Up to You…
Michael Porfirio Mason
AKA The Peoples Champ
AKA GFK, Jr.
AKA The Sly, Slick and the Wicked
AKA The Voodoo Child
The Guide to Getting More out of Life
Check it:
11) Slaughterhouse 90210
Slaughterhouse 90210 combined lowbrow TV screencaps with highbrow literary quotes, making it kind of the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups of Tumblr blogs. Another comparison: an intellectual I Can Has Cheezburger. Seeing a quote from, say, The Bell Jar underneath a Friends screencap is pleasantly shocking — especially after you realize the quote fits the show perfectly — and a reassurance that it’s okay for smart people to like stupid things. Could be a good candidate for a book deal, if it weren’t for those pesky copyright issues. (See also: The G Manifesto and Fuck Yeah Subtitles.)
