Here is my Saturday night Step-By-Step™ for Montreal:
1. Go say what up to the crew at Le Filet. Go for a little grind, get the Huitres Garnies like the Hon Shimeji, huile de truffe, creme d’huitres or Gratin de miso. Thank me later. Finish off with the Hamachi, sesame, sumac and Rilletes de Maquereau, fume, huile citron and toast. (You might want to make a reservation at the bar, which is something I love about Montreal). Get some vino and some cocktails in your system. Alternate opening salvo: Hit up Lemeac or Juni and package with Baldwin, although I like those spots better during the week. Or maybe Pixtos, although I like that place better during the week also.
2. Head over to St. Laurent and get another warm up cocktail at Kamasutra and spit some Game at some dancers for insurance purposes.
3. Walk down St. Laurent and spit some Street Game at some fly Montreal girls with dark hair and crystal blue eyes. Stop by Globe for a cocktail and a spit session. Work the Vortex Zones at the bar.
4. Skip the line at Koko (you do have the place on Lock Down, right?) and make it happen.
5. If things you are chopping up Koko too hard and need a venue change, roll over to Rosalie and detonate.
2. Hit up New City Gas. Like I said before, I am rarely impressed by nightlife venues anymore. New City Gas impressed me. Make sure you get there early, which is something not exactly easy for me to do. This place is mad packed with fly Montreal girls dress up real fly. Spit some Game at this spot and get a couple of girls to meet you at:
3. L’Atelier d’Argentine. This place is mad fly on Thursdays. Fly hostesses, fly girls inside and dope Argentinian food. How can you go wrong? The place also has two bars to sit, eat, post and chop.
4. Cavalli. Next, hit up Cavalli. Thursday nights are their best nights.
5. If you can’t make it happen at any of the above three spots, your problems don’t end there. (No shame, I had nights where I bricked at all three). My advice if you still need to swoop? Hit up the Strip Clubs. Or a little Street Game.
Now before I went to Montreal for the summer, I checked the Internet for any decent Data Sheets on restaurants there. There is some ok info on the Internet, but nothing really comprehensive. So I decided to put together the dopest Data Sheet on Montreal restaurants on the Internet, For The People, of course.
Keep in mind, I would have paid someone 30k for this info before I went, so more than anything, I am happy to put this together for myself before I go next time. Hell, I just saved myself 30k.
L’Atelier d’Argentine – This place is a legit Argentinian restaurant in the Old Port. Great on a Thursday night. Plenty of action, two bars and fly girls.
Juni – Real dope sushi joint. I had this place on lock down. Juni is cool as hell. Good to package with a cocktail at Baldwin or with Lemeac. One of my favorite hoods to go out in. Better for a date or Dolo than for swooping.
Le Filet – Hands down the best restaurant I ate in Montreal. And this is no small feat. Actually, I would say the best restaurant I ate in 2012. I ate here three times in a row when I first ate here. The chef is a Japanese cat, but he runs it like a French kitchen. The seafood and cooked oysters are mindboggling. I even took my parents here. I had the entire place on lock down. I probably could have shanked someone in the middle of the packed restaurant and still gotten away with it; that is how locked down I had it. I also love that you can make reservations at the bar, which is something pretty unique to Montreal.
Tokyo Sushi – Not bad for take out. Not great like Juni, but does the trick in a pinch. People are cool as hell here too. In Old Port.
Le Club Chasse Et Peche – This is the other restaurant owned by the people from Le Filet in Old Port. Real good. Not as good as Le Filet though. And a little more expensive if my memory serves me correct.
Garde Manger – In Old Port across from Santos. This place gets real high marks, and has some girls, but I don’t really feel it.
Mai Xiang Yuan – Epic dumplings in Chinatown. Cheaper than Qing Hua Ravioli Chinois but not as many options.
Qing Hua Ravioli Chinois – Also epic dumplings in Chinatown. More expensive but more options than Mai Xiang Yuan. The sea urchin (Uni) dumplings are off the cord. So are the pork with coriander.
Olive et Gourmando – Good lunch grind in Old Port. The place is popular though and packed with tourists and locals alike.
Pintxo – Unreal Spanish joint in Montreal. This place is on par with some of the best restaurants I have eaten in Spain, which in and of itself is mindblowing. It is in a little old house type building which is cool, but kind of sucks because the bar is small. Gets real busy so get resos. You can also get resos at the bar. I love this joint. Took my parents here also. Probably my 2nd favorite next to Le Filet. The Cola de langosta a la parilla is insane. So is the Foie gras a la plancha, Terrina de foie gras con su cebolla confitada and Higo relleno de jamón serrano y queso mahon. In fact, I just had a girl text me a picture from the place and we ate there together 6 months ago.
Holder – Real solid French bistro in Old Port. Real functional, good bar, some fly girls. A staple you can count on.
Moishes – Somehow I never made it to this old-school steakhouse. I know I would have loved it though. On The Main.
Toque – This was one of the best restaurants I ate at in 2011. But in four months in Montreal, I never stepped back in. And I lived super close to it too. Don’t ask me why. It remains a mystery to me. And I don’t mean that guy with fuzzy hats and black nail polish, either.
Au Pied du Cochon – Foie gras go off to the brain. Nuff said.
Le Locale – I love this place. I used it as the base of my operations at the beginning of the summer. Great crew that works here. Great food although it’s no Pixtos or Le Filet. Swooped mad girls out of here on dates. Package with Hambar.
Maestro SVP – Cool oyster joint on Saint Laurent. The girls who work here are real sweethearts and they gave me great intel on Montreal. It was almost empty when I went. Which is strange, because the place is pretty dope.
Roasalie – I never really ate here, just partied here. I heard the food and the pizza is good though.
Boris Bistro – Good brunch spot to eat with a girl post-swoop. Get’s busy at lunch too, but I never went during lunch.
Merchant Boef – Flashy place in Old Port. Good food, good energy and some fly girls at times. Not a bad spot. A little over priced. Kind of a touristy crowd as well.
Joe Beef – I am kind of embarrassed to say I never ate here. I think I was just too afraid of the KO punch for going out later. I will hit this spot up like an Everlast punching bag next time for shez.
L’Assommoir – Good duck tartare. Cool atmosphere. But they play some really wack tracks sometimes. One time, I heard some track, could have been “Moves like Jagoff” by Buffoon 5 (not sure, I blocked it out), and I had to leave before I could order my drink.
Restaurant Ora – Never went here. On my list.
Accords – Somehow never went here either. Heard good things.
Lemeac – This place is dope as all hell. A fly French Moroccan girl turned me on to this place, and in turn, I have turned many fly girls on to it. Met a fly Model girl smoking on the outers also. So the place is mad fly all around. They serve late too.
Le Chien Fumant – Super dope, low-profile hipster joint. Epic. I love this spot. Ate here with three of my droogs on a no-holds-barred go off for the ages on a Sunday night.
Le Comptoir – Love this joint. Real hipster though. But the sweetbreads are beyond mindblowing.
La Sale A Manger – Need to hit up this place more. But I liked what I saw.
Vallier – Not bad, not great. But good. In Old Port. Not worth a trip, but not bad if you are in the area and are in a pinch. I was. I like Holder more. And Le Locale way more.
Casa Galicia – Good traditional Spanish. Nowhere near Pintxo, nor does it try to be. The owner is cool as hell.
Mikado – Decent sushi. It is no Juni or Park though.
Le Pois Penché – Kind of tries to be like Balthazar in NYC, although it doesn’t compare. Met a fly waitress girl here though. I still dig the spot.
Jardin Nelson – Get’s high marks from a lot of people, but is kind of touristy. I would never eat there. Although, I would get a cocktail.
Ferreira Café – High priced downtown fare. Not bad, but overpriced. Met a fly bartender girl there, so I can’t hate.
F Bar – Carlos Ferreira’s of Ferreira Café, pop up bar on Rue Jeanne-Mance. Good during Jazz Fest.
Brasserie T! – Normand Laprise of Toque’s pop up bar on Rue Jeanne-Mance. Good during Jazz Fest. I like Brasserie T! more than F Bar in case you are wondering.
Mikasa – Never ate there but was recommended to me by a fly Russian girl. But you know how serious I take sushi recs from fly Russian girls, right?
Park – This place is legit. Antonio Park is cool as hell. Top notch sushi. Defeated a Hollywood Celeb here too. Clear cut KO. Park does all sustainable fish, so don’t look for Toro up in this piece. In Westmount.
Les 400 Coups – Dope spot.
Baxo – Never ate here, but cool spot for a cocktail. Met some fly girls here.
Bistro L’express – Now this place is right on time. Serves real late. Favorite French bistro in Montreal along with Lemeac.
Ginger – Always wanted to check this little spot right off Saint Laurent. Looks dope. I would go more for the scene than the food.
Café Melis – Place looks dope. Never stepped.
Chez Victoire – Real dope. Need to go more.
Rotisserie Romados – You want chicken for lunch? This place rips the mic cord. And I don’t even like chicken that much. Real legit. Can be a pain in the *ss line though.
Schwartz – Hell yes on this mother*cker. Long lines but the smoked meat will make you see angels. I f*cks with this joint, yo. Real old-school. An institution.
And there you have it. The dopest Data Sheet on Montreal restaurants on the entire Internet. Any questions?
On my first trip to Montreal, I wrote up a Montreal, Canada: Nightclub and Restaurant Data Sheets. Look at this as an update after spending 4 months in Montreal this summer. Again, this is easily the best info you will find out there. When I was in Montreal, a lot of the stuff you will find on the Internet actually steered me wrong. But I am here for you, keeping in underground for you and ripping the lid off the wack info that is out there, Oh my brothers.
I hope you guys appreciate this, hell, I would have given someone 10k in a brown paper bag if they would have given me this Data Sheet before I arrived in Montreal.
Wood 35 – This place gets a lot of high marks from people. I think it sucks. I actually called it “Brick 35”. It is unfortunate because “on paper” it seems it would be good. There are fly girls, but the set up is atrocious. All these standing tables make the place too “static”. No Vortex Zones. No “swirl”. One of these days, I am going to have to jump back into the Nightclub Game, this time as an owner or investor and show everyone what time it is. I guarantee I would be the top Nightclub Owner in the world in 6 months. I am not trying to brag or boast, the competition is just that wack.
New City Gas – As you know, I don’t get impressed by nightlife venues very often. Last year I was impressed by Andres Carne de Res in Bogota, Colombia. Well, New City Gas impressed the hell out of me. Thursday nights are pretty damn mindboggling on the outside terrace. The place holds mad fly classy girls. It is almost hard to deal with. The only problem is you have to get there kind of early for happy hour, and as you know, The G doesn’t do happy hour. That sh*t is for corporate stiffs, not International Playboys. Still, this place is as ill as a convict that kills for “phone time”.
Santos – This is another place heavily hyped by people on the Internet. It pretty much sucks. I went here a bunch of times because I lived pretty close, but it never really holds top quality girls, has a lot of guy and a lot of tourists f*cks. Overrated. This place comes weak like FEMA during Katrina.
Koko – Now this place is mad fresh. The outside terrace is unbeatable. I had this whole place on lock. I was destroying this place in June so bad that I was contemplating building a conveyor belt from the terrace to my bedroom in my crib to shuttle fly girls. But then at the end of June/early July, they closed the terrace. I think for noise reasons or something. I never really got a straight answer. Which really sucked because I was gutting this place on a nightly basis. It still remained a great spot the rest of the summer, but nothing like June. After the terrace closed, I used it more to take girls as I had the bouncers on lock and I could roll in at any time even with huge lines. And I don’t mean Beaks, either. Place has some Underworld figures hanging out. So I fit just right in. Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights.
Tokyo – Another place that is heavily hyped on the Internet. I stayed away for a while because outside of The G Manifesto, the info you get on the Internet sucks. It is almost a “reverse barometer”. But my curiosity got the best of me and I stepped in one night. I stepped out soon after. F*ck this place, yo.
Philemon – I used Philemon many times. People love it. I thought it was decent and functional. Not a great place to meet girls but a good place to take them. Upperclass crowd. Usually more guys than girls. Good staff that always took care of all my needs. Probably could have swooped a few of the girls that worked there, but I was clocking a bunch of girls out of there, and didn’t want to rock the boat, so to speak.
Bar Blizzarts – This place has been around for a long time, but I didn’t really feel it. It is quite possible I went on the wrong nights, but I walked by many times and didn’t seem to have any real punch.
Bar Korova – Another hyped place. It sucks. Wack spot. Wack people. F*ck this place too, yo.
Rosalie – Now this place is dope. Wednesdays are sick. Almost too much of a good thing though. This was where I took a loss to George St. Pierre. I like Saturdays more. More chill, but still fly girls. Easier to operate. And swoop. You know how I gets down.
Macaroni – Didn’t feel this place. Nice terrace, but not holding fly girls.
Time Supperclub – This place is pretty fresh. Swooped some real fly girls out of this joint. It is a higher end crowd, although the first time I went (during Montreal Grand Prix), I saw a girl kick another girl. Like a full on “high kick”. Trippy. This place kind of has a “local crew” that kind of operates out of here with some Underworld aspect to it too. Tread lightly as I think beefs could be easy to come by.
B-side – Hipster joint. Whatever.
Muzique nightclub – I stepped in here once I think. Nothing special.
Ivy nightclub – Skip it.
Le Salon Daomé – Never went, but wanted too.
Wunderbar – In W hotel. I historically hate fake boutique hotels like The W, and my hatred for them is well documented, but this place is ok. Super fun during Grand Prix for private party. Other than that, didn’t utilize too much.
Hotel del la Montage – Rooftop bar. Cool place to take a girl. Other than that, not really dope.
Laika – Airball.
Burgundy Lion – Pub with a strong reputation. A girl took me here one time on the way back from a dope sushi meal. It’s ok. I never went after. Is right across from Joe Beef, so you could package the move if you want.
House Nightclub – I have this place in my notes but for the life of me can’t remember anything about it. Must have sucked.
Club 1234 – Never went in, but did meet some fly 18 year olds in front of it while they were waiting for some guys. They were mad fly. Younger girl spot I think.
Velvet – in Old Port. Pretty loose. In cave-like downstairs. You can meet girls here, but there was something about the place that didn’t vibe with me. Guys were kind of dorks. Maybe I don’t like caves.
L’ confessional – Plays dope music. Crowded and small but pretty dope. Good place to take a girl after a grind in Old Port and then rachet it up a notch on the road to “swoop land”.
Taverne St. Sacrement – The owner is cool as f*ck. Although he tries to get me super wasted and throw my Game off. Good food too.
Cavalli – I have a love/hate with Cavalli (and I don’t mean that place Love-Hate in Miami Beach, either). I loved it on my first trip so I went here many times last summer. Overall, I think the place is overrated. The DJ sucks. Hard to really “lock and load”. The staff is nice though and there are fly girls. Lot’s of dorks. There are supposedly some “working girls” here, but I never noticed any or was ever solicited. Keep in mind that I always heard there were “working girls” in Cavalli from civilian girls, so the info is highly suspect.
Hotel Le St-James – Real high-end, oh my brothers. Classy. Smooth. Good place for a strong cocktail. The prices keep out the riff-raff.
St. Paul Hotel– Hambar. The first time I went to Montreal, they had an old-school classy bar that I thought I was going to utilize a lot. They revampted it into a more modern bar. It shouldn’t be a surprise that I preferred it old-school. Still, a good spot to take a girl. All the girls that worked there loved me so I can’t hate.
Baldwin – One of these “cocktail mixologist” type bars. Real popular. Better during the week to bring a girl. I did swoop a Model girl out of here though. Weekends I never really went, although one time I walked by in early September, and there were like 20 guys in line. I shouldn’t have to tell you I “walked on by” like Isaac Hayes. There are some real good restaurants on the same block or two so this is a real good package move. I will bust out those restaurants in my coming soon Montreal Restaurant Data Sheets.
Globe – Heavily hyped, but not bad. Some real fly girls. Good to package with Koko, as in come here before going to Koko. Never ate here. I don’t like eating at super trendy spots.
La Porte Rouge – Hipster bar.
Circus – After hours. I went here a few times. There are some fly girls. It gets deep quick here though. You can pretty easily score drugs here. Although I wouldn’t know anything about that. Probably better to take two girls here that are real live wires. And then take them back to your crib.
Bily kun – Famous. Overrated.
Diable Vert – Supposed to be good. It sucks.
Candi Bar – Supposed to be good. It sucks. Did an “about-face” before I could by a drink.
UN Nightclub – Somehow I never made it in here even though it was close to my crib. It is open weird nights so make sure you check that before you go. I saw some fly girls roll in though.
Montreal is a city known for its legendary Gentleman’s Clubs. For the life of me, I am not sure why. And I consider myself somewhat of a Gentleman’s Club Aficionado. You know The G, I am as vicious as the realest you know only difference is consistence I’m considered a pro.
Keep in mind where your humble author is coming from though. I think I have spent too much time in Las Vegas at places like The Spearmint Rhino with 100 girls working at a time, that rolling to the smaller Club de danseuses of Montreal just doesn’t hold the same allure.
Many of the Montreal Strip Clubs are hard to Post and Chop. They aren’t really set up for macking.
I have to conclude that Montreal Gentleman’s Clubs get their worldwide reputation from the activities in the back room. But as you know, The G doesn’t play that.
Anyways, I will break down the Strip Clubs of Montreal for you. Keep in mind, I was looking for a good Data Sheet on the Internet while I was there on Montreal Strip Clubs and they don’t exist. This is far and away the best Montreal Strip Clubs Data Sheet in existence. All from my blood, sweat and tears.
I could probably sell this as an E-Book or something, but as usual, I will give this pro-bono, For The People.
Chez Parée: This place has a monster reputation and is conveniently located off Rue Saint-Catherine on Rue Stanley. It is a pretty good package move with Rosalie, or some Steak Tartare, Foie Gras and Oysters at Le Pois Penché. Ferreira Café is not far either for a One-Two punch. Chez Parée is one of the bigger Strip Clubs in Montreal, but it is super hard to swoop at. The front bar is your best bet. The back bar could be great, but girls never roll around it, and you come up deuces. I Number Crunched here a few times, but I don’t think I ever converted. Hell, one girl gave me her “email address”. Ha. That found it’s way into the déchets with a quickness. All the focus is on the main stage and dances. Not a bad spot for a “breather” cocktail though.
Downtown: This place is kind of hidden in plain sight on Sainte-Catherine. It also gets high marks from many in the know. Not your first choice for tourists. It is kind of thin and narrow. Decent bar, but hard to chop. The main bouncer is an absolute Québécois Monster, so I would avoid any skullduggery here. Trust me. I had the door guys and the Monster on lock though, so no problems for your humble author.
Le Grand Prix: Right next to Downtown, it’s also kind of hidden in plain sight. Same set up pretty much as Downtown and poses similar problems to overcome. Had some girls cooking here but I originally met them at Wanda’s. Swooped a fly, thin French girl from here, but I would be remiss to tell you that it was easy.
Wanda’s: Now we are talking. I went 1 for 1 here my first trip to Montreal, so I thought this place was tailor made for me. And it kind of is. You can chill and post. They have a dope upstairs terrace for smoking. The bar is chopable. I had the bouncers on lock down. The bartender girls loved me. Still, I put in mad time at this place and although I swooped here multiple times, in retrospect, I should have done better. Still, this place is tops for me in Montreal. The move here is to meet a girl at the main bar (there are a few more downstairs and on a half floor I think) and then roll up to the terrace bar to smoke and spit. Or you can go out front and smoke with them if you have the bouncers on lock like I did. Then you can just smoke and pitch. This is the only place I really “Cracked The Code” if you will. But saying that is even being generous.
Club Super Sexe: Super famous. But honestly, it was kind of a Super Airball for me. But don’t let me deter you.
Kamasutra: This place is unique in that it is like a half block off Saint Laurent. So you can package it with different moves or if you are trying to kill some time waiting for your female model Beak Dealer or something. Not like I would know anything about that though. The front bar gets a little crowded, but can be decent. I prefer the back bar as I think most sophisticated players would. This place is probably better during the week as you get a lot of American Tourist fools from weak hoods here. They can spool up The Game in rapid fashion. Even saw some American Idiot puke here. F*cking Amateurs.
Cabaret Les Amazones: Never went here, but some girls I swooped at Wanda’s always wanted me to come. It’s a little past Westmount, so I could never make it. But I heard it’s good. The more adventurous might want to check it.
Gentleman’s Choice: This place is on St. Denis. I eyed it tons of times, but never made it. It could be the hidden gem of all gems or majorly suck. I would like to know.
I may be missing a few spots, but that pretty much covers it.
There are also a few more French spots more north in the city around Little Italy I think. I never went for logistical reasons. Again, I would love to know. Drop any Data if you got it.
Montreal: Georges St-Pierre VS Michael Porfirio Mason
First night in Montreal:
I was going to meet this fly girl that I met at Cavalli on my earlier trip. She is mad fly; blue eyes, dark haired Québécois girl. She actually spent the time and found my apartment for me. What a sweetheart. And I haven’t swooped her yet.
I take a cab over to Bice. It is not my choice, it was hers, but I have been to other locations, and I know they have good although pricey food. The girl found my apartment for me, so I figure to give her a little rope and let her choose the joint that I will swoop her from.
The weather is perfect in Montreal, but I am so cold when I hit the street many people froze. I meet her outside the joint and we enter. We are walked through the outdoor terrace past a bunch of tables to the best seat in the house. We pass by a bald-headed cat with his date who looks familiar and he gives my girl and I a smile. You know, one of those “Game Recognizes Game” type situations. I don’t pay it much mind, as I am about to dazzle this girl over a meal and some Vino.
The dinner is going great. The bald headed cat looks our way again, and I can’t place him, which is killing me, so I ask the girl I am with, “Do you know who that cat is over there? He looks familiar.” She replied, “Yeah, that is Georges St-Pierre. (In a heavy French accent)”
I said, “Who?” as my ear has not adapted to the words “Georges St-Pierre” in French. (Trust me, it sounds way different when you say it in French, I wasn’t trying to Play Dumb, although that move is know to be effective).
She said again, “Georges St-Pierre”
I replied, “Oh, Georges St-Pierre” (In a heavy American accent which made her laugh).
Joe Rogan: “So you don’t do strength and conditioning as far as like hitting tires with sledgehammers?”
Georges St-Pierre: “I never did it in my life. I remember I had a Muay Thai instructor from France, that I even brought on the reality show The Ultimate Fighter. The guy smoked, I don’t know how many packs of cigarettes a day. He’s always drinking alcohol. He’s a real character, and he’s completely out of shape, but when he spars with us in Muay Thai, he kicks everyone’s ass. The reason is because he is more efficient than we are.“
“When you’re too hood to be in them Hollywood circles.
And you’re too rich to be in that hood that birthed you.” – Nas
A lot of young up and coming G’s on the rise stop me on the streets and ask me the secret to my success.
Truthfully, I am not exactly sure what it is. But I realized something in Montreal:
I rock The High-End and Low-End Theory. I think this separates me from most of the Trust Fund International Playboys that you see out there cutting it up.
What I mean by The High-End and Low-End Theory, is I pretty much always roll in really high end scenes or really low end scenes. You won’t catch me in the suburbs at Applebee’s ordering the filet well done. (I only eat steaks rare. Hell, I would eat them raw if they would serve them to me.)
In Montreal, I would work out, do pushups and shadow box in the parks with heroin addicts. And then at night, you would see me in the dopest clubs partying with fly girls and model girls.
I noticed, that the people you would see in the parks wouldn’t be at the club.
And the people at the club, wouldn’t be in the parks with the heroin addicts.
It was only your humble author that you would find in both.
16 Things I Learned In Montreal After Living There
1. Student Protests. Before arriving in Montreal the Internet was ablaze with thoughts that the Student Protests “would screw up Game in Montreal”. This was 100% false. (Typical weesh Internet data that you find outside The G Manifesto.) The protests actually went down my street two nights in June. They might have slowed traffic a little here and there, but had no effect on nightlife and swooping as far as I was concerned.
2. Hockey. It’s true, pretty much everyone in Montreal loves hockey. Even the girls. Maybe this isn’t a surprise to many, but I thought it was just a stereotype, like American’s all love football, which we know is not the case. Personally, I don’t really dig hockey. I like the fights, but since that is the case, I will just watch boxing. Or box. No ice skating in my future.
3. History of Montreal. I realized that Americans don’t learn any history of Montreal or Quebec in school. Basically, an American school teaches you that: “The French came over from France to Quebec and started fur trading things like Beaver Pelts. And now we have modern day Montreal!” That’s about it. Hell, I didn’t even know the capital of Canada. I felt like an idiot. That is until I asked all my friends if they knew the capital of Canada and I think only one knew it on a second guess. And a lot of my friends are legitimately smart and well traveled. Or at least smarter than me.
4. Americans in Montreal. Americans that come to Montreal are really low-budget Americans. Most are from weesh 3rd and 4th tier cities in America or crap cities like DC or places in New Hampshire or Maine or something*. A bunch of busters. Montreal is definitely not invaded by solid West Coast Playboys from the beach towns. Hell, I might have been the first person from Southern California to ever set foot in the place as far as I could tell. Don’t worry, I straight up represented. Hell, the next person that comes from Southern California should send me a few G’s for all the positive ground work I laid, so to speak, for them. I personally know at least 10 Montreal girls that want to go to California soon, because they think the place is chocked full of guys like me. They are in for a rude awakening though, as I am top tier in that place.
5. The Old Port. I like the Old Port. I like the buildings, some of the restaurants, some of the clubs and getting in my roadwork there. It can be great for swooping girls on dates and workouts. However, it can be touristy, you can get hosed on prices, and there are no real neighborhood joints. I had plans to chop up Cherry and St Paul Hotel non-stop last summer. Both changed on me. Club Cherry Closed, St. Paul Hotel Changed. Got unlucky. Not sure if I would live in or near Old Port again. But it still is pretty dope.
6. Québécois not Canadians. When you make sweeping statements about the people in Montreal, even if it is a compliment, don’t refer to them as “Canadians”. Refer to them as “Québécois”. Thank me later.
7. Northfield Cigarettes. These are the Canadian version of American Spirits. Smoke them. They are not as good as American Spirits, but they are pretty dope. In fact, whenever my boys visited, I had them bring me a carton on American cigarettes. Thanks boys.
8. Safety. Montreal is safe as f*ck. The chances of you slipping on some maple syrup and breaking your neck are way higher than you shanked in a street fight. The only thing that is dangerous is the hipsters on bikes. I almost got wacked by one on a sidewalk. If I wasn’t so damn agile, I would have gotten smashed. I had to dive out of the way, in a Custom Suit mind you, all stunt man style one night when I stepped out. It was pretty damn athletic if I may say so myself. Probably only an “in his prime” Allen Iverson, Floyd Mayweather Jr. or your humble author would have been able to avoid that hipster on a bike.
9. Hipsters VS Douchebags. I thought Montreal would be 100% hipster. But there were plenty of Douchebags too. Who would have known?
10. Construction. There is mad Corruption in the Construction industry in Montreal. It won’t affect you though.
11. Cabs. Like many cities on the globe, the cab drivers in Montreal are pretty retarded. You have to know where you are going, because the cab drivers don’t. And they try to drive you up St. Laurent all the time as well. Learn to use Rue Berri. Way quicker and more smooth.
12. Nightlife Districts. There are mad sections of Montreal with great areas to go out at night or get a grind on. Probably, 10 different “districts” that I could discover. Pretty amazing for a city of Montreal’s size. Especially when you consider a large West Coast city like San Diego has like 2 streets that you can party on.
13. French Language. Speaking French no doubt helps your cause. But it can also confuse girls when you tell them you are from California and then you can speak French. A couple of girls thought I was from Montreal and I was lying to them or something. It was not catastrophic, but something for a G to keep in mind.
14. Terraces. It’s all about Terraces in Montreal in summer. Find them. Live them. Love them. Spark up smokes on them. Swoop at them. I did.
15. Smoking. People in Montreal puff grits. Those gross images on cigarettes to deter smoking don’t work at all.
16. Perfect sized City. Montreal is really the perfect sized city. You can walk most of it, or take a 10 minute subway ride and be anywhere you want. Smooth.
17. Toronto. People in Montreal hate Toronto. I mean really hate it. Say you do too. Trust me.
18. Girls. The girls in Montreal are mad fly. However, they are not as easy as I thought on my first trip. I will explain more later, but there are plenty of thin, well dressed, high heel wearing, French accented dope girls to keep any International Playboy sedated. There are some good mixes. Black girls. Lebanese girls. Asian girls. Russian girls. Italian girls. Irish girls. Dark haired, blue eyed French girls. French Moroccan girls. I like them all. I regulated every shade of that *ss. On the real. Really developed an addiction to the French Moroccan girls. I may go to Morocco soon.
19. Partying. Partying in Montreal is fun as f*ck. You can go out seven nights a week there. Drugs are easy to come by, or at least they were easy for me to “sniff out”, so to speak. I almost got myself into trouble actually. But I am The G. I know what I am doing.
Der Lauf Der Dinge by Peter Fischli and David Weiss
This is a super dope movie I saw recently in Musée d’art contemporain de Montréal.
It kind of explains my life.
I first noticed it because there was a fly dark haired, blue eyed, Quebec French girl sitting by herself watching it in a side room of the Museum. I decided to join her and when it was over, said “Bon jour”.