Drake’s Take Care Album Review by Big Ghost
Big Ghost Drops a classic review on Drake’s new album:
Ayo fuck this nigga b. First off…this nigga gotta stop wit this lonely mobster image he tryin to portray these days yo. This nigga said this shit was bout him feelin like he a king tho. Son said “I used to stare at this world through a glass window and, like, two to three years later, I become a king in that world. That’s who’s sitting on that cover…” They give this nigga a muthafuckin goblet n a table for one witta candle n a bronze owl n now he runnin rap? Nigga ya respect from ya peers is as deep as the success you got in the mainstream. Aint nobody in rap lookin up to you like that cos you dope. Your success is whats dope to these niggas son. King tho? Fuck outta here b.
1. Over My Dead Body – A forreal….this sounds like the soundtrack to some Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants type shit son. I forget who the broad he got singin the hook on this muthafucka is…but i think its Renee Zellweger or some shit. I feel like Im inside a Barnes & Noble or a Starbucks b… This joint is more light in the ass than the fushigi gravity balls you see in those infomercials at 3 in the mornin son. But yo…how the first words that this nigga got the nerve to utter on this muthafuckin album gon be “I think I killed errybody in the game last year man”? Pardon me son? Word? You mean the same year that Kanye dropped another classic album in…while yo overrated ass uhhh….DID NOT? That year b? You mean the year when niggas predicted you was gon do a milli the first week out n you did 450k instead…n then a few days later Eminem dropped n he did like 750k in HIS first week n kept YOU from gettin back to the top of the charts? The same year that Em n Jigga won all the Grammys YOU was spose to take home? THAT year son? Oh.
2. Shot For Me – I dont even know what to say b. Like forreal…after hearin this shit…I wouldnt be surprised if this nigga could pollinate a flower wit his fuckin breath son. Im pretty sure that son gets up in the morning n plays his harp for his cats n then slides down the muthafuckin banister in his satin man nightie n has a full glass of breast milk before he goes to the studio n hammers out some pooned out shit like this b. Sons talkin to a broad thru the whole song on some bitter shit n at one point the nigga even says “The way you walk…thats me. The way you talk…thats me. The way you got your hair up…did you forget? Thats me” Son… Thats you? Aight then… But the boy aint done yet yo…at the end of the joint he proposes a toast. This is how that shit go…
4. Crew Love (ft The Weeknd) – Ayo I been startin to accept that maybe ALL these joints is gon be bitchmade son. Truth is I fucks wit The Weeknd tho b. The music on this shit aint that bad…but it aint really no kinda beat namsayin. But then here come Young Angel talmbout havin “soldiers” n niggas “who came up off the strip” for him n “come up off the hip” for him if he need em to. I mean……jus stop that shit son. Niggas kno ya pedigree b. Like you wasnt the little nigga ridin ponies n doin cartwhels in the backyard livin that upperclass suburban life before you became a Canadian teen soap opera star n shit b. Now you the nigga tuckin napkins in ya shirt while you eat cos you “mobbin like that” n orderin hits on niggas who disrespect you…jus stop it Aubrey. Son said “I think I like who Im becoming…” Im sayin the boy Aubs is startin to feel hisself a little too much b. Anyways son…when I thinks of Crew Love I think bout Beanie Sigel movin J Cole’s mentor out his way so he could body the fuck outta a glorious ass beat while Jiggaman in his prime delivers a hook that sticks to ya ribs namsayin. Thats what Im gon always think of son…
Here is his wrap up:
So thats the whole album son…or what Im gon refer to as that cascading waterfall of invisible dicks that sons fans call his music. Swear this nigga got the most forgiving fans on earth tho b. The nigga gets that exotic budgie tatted on his shoulder…”Nah chill…he jus doin him son”. The nigga drops a million odes to savin broads…”Ayo chill…son jus tryna live par”. The nigga starts rockin sweaters from 1983 Sears catalogs n shows up to awards shows wearin grandmother cardigans made from old sofas…”Nah chill…son jus stayin tru to hisself”…Im sayin b…the nigga could show up at a awards show wearin a unitard n niggas would still be like…”Jus let that nigga do him….he jus doin him son”. Yall muthafuckas should be ashamed of yallselves tho….for lettin it come to this shit in the first place namsayin. Yall LET this niggas get to the top like that. Im talkin to niggas who emcee too. Yall done allowed this nigga to come in the door…n now he done opened the floodgates to a million other soft ass muthafuckas jus like him son. Ayo nobody disrespected Father MC n Candyman like that back in the day b. Them niggas was makin careers outta droppin soft ass shit too. Dudes aint try to crush they whole existence or nothin…but niggas aint exactly say “Ayo Father MC n Candyman yall niggas should be showin the rest of us muthafuckas what direction to take Hip Hop in yo…”. But I dont even blame Drake b. That nigga SHOULD be able to have his lane. Its all good son. I hate that niggas music n he definitely that corny nigga at the club who pops open a bottle of champagne n then sniffs the cork…but he allowed to follow his dreams b. But yall niggas put that muthafucka on a pedestal. Like I said b…I dont blame Aubrey tho. Drake is what happens when ya son is conceived during a period week namsayin. That nigga was jus conceived on the wrong end of a menstrual cycle yo. These niggas gon always exist bruh. But I aint no follower son. If I dont like some shit…I dont jus rock wit it cos thats what broads be listenin to… n cos I want broads to be feelin me. Thats like sprayin yaself wit perfume jus cos chicks be enjoyin that shit…Yall effeminate ass niggas smarten up. Niggas always callin Drizzy homo tho. Im sayin yo…I dont think thats even the case b. N if it was…I aint judgin the nigga based on none of that yo. I mean…maybe son is kinda homo-esque. But either way par…this niggas masculinity been terminally ill for a hot minute now…that shits been on life support since Thank Me Later dropped b. But Im sure that muthafucka done kicked the bucket forreal wit this album son. If you niggas cop retail versions of this shit dont forget to take the cd in for a yearly pap smear b. Ayo fuck this shit son. Aight peace.
By the way yo…Imma give this shit…
1 Zeus Slap outta 5
5 Drake Pinky Salutes outta 5
Take ya pick b.
I have to agree 100%, this Drake album is un-listenable.
His demographic is definitely 14-25 year old women.
So if you are a man and you are sliding down the ave bumping Drake, you better check yourself.
This Just Blaze beat is on point like a Kershaw Leek Knife with SpeedSafe though:
Of course Drake drops some airball lines:
“They take the greats from the past n compare us…I wonder if theyd ever survive in this era”
“Im hearin all of the jokes…I kno they tryna push me…I kno that showin emotion dont ever mean Im pussy”
Should have given that beat to Clipse.
The Rest is Up to You…
Michael Porfirio Mason
AKA The Peoples Champ
AKA GFK, Jr.
AKA The Sly, Slick and the Wicked
AKA The Voodoo Child
The Guide to Getting More out of Life
Here is real “Crew Love”: