The Smoking Gun

» 23 March 2006 » In Dope, Guide, Style »

The Smoking Gun

“I got just one question for rappers that disrespect me, what do you want to be cremated or buried”

“The wake… the funeral… and the burial… after that nobody remembers you, so as long as you alive, get your revenue, stop hating on us that’s what you better do.”—Papoose from “The Boyz in the Hood” (G Manifesto Certified Track of the Week)

First California, then NYC, then Florida, now Washington, DC. All places you can not light up a cigarette in a bar or restaurant. California was a hopeless cause, but the NYC smoking ban was a big surprise. Miami obviously would never have supported a smoking ban, with all the Latin American and European tourists, but the State of Florida (which might as well be Mars compared to Miami) made it happen. But something about The Capital of The Free World banning smoking, smacks me in the face the wrong way.

So now the city council has decided that they know, better than employees, customers and Owners of restaurants and bars what is “best” for them? They have decided that it was not fair for workers to have the option to work in a smoking or smoke free environment. They have decided that it was completely oppressive to have a smoking and non-smoking room. They have decided that a Private business owner cannot have the option to allow his patrons, who want to smoke, to smoke. They have decided that no reasonable compromise can be found.

This is the Capital of the Free World, and you could be a fireman from the Hornet’s Nest and rescue a baby from a burning building, but you can’t go to a bar after work and light up a grit and have a Guinness in a bar. You can lobby Congress to give Billions of dollars to a War in Iraq (and cause thousands of young Americans to die before their time), but you cannot celebrate your lobbying efforts in a bar with a Montecristo no.1 and a Scotch, because it’s to “dangerous”. You can meet up with a Swiss Ford Model Girl from NYC but you can’t enjoy the buzz created by a bottle of Rioja and cigarettes with her in Adams Morgan. What is this country becoming? Dante’s Inferno?

The craziest thing about this ban in particular is that it is not even people in DC that want it. It’s a bunch of over-funded, over-moral jerks from New Jersey! People in DC have real problems on their hands, like daily gun violence, poverty, shitty schools, and a still active Crack Cocaine epidemic. The people behind this attack on our right to choose, never even go out at night!

Even if you are not a smoker, you have to be very wary of this affront to Property Rights, Consumer Choice, and Personal Freedom. What is next? Telling people that they cannot drink in Bars because when people get drunk they have a higher chance of getting violent, and it’s not “safe” for people?

Have we really become healthier since these bans started? Have people started to live longer? Does anyone want to live longer? Even in California, the land of health, everywhere you turn, people are obese and out of shape. Who was the last good boxer that California produced? Ricardo Mayorga and Arturo Gatti are the two most exciting boxers of recent memory and they both smoked! Mayorga even lights up in the ring! America is a heart attack waiting to happen. Why don’t we say people can’t eat fast food? But it’s the smoking that killed the fat guy who never exercised, right? Why don’t we crack down on White Girls that can’t dance in nightclubs? Or shitty DJ’s playing safe, crappy music in clubs? Or the club owners who can’t stop opening up “modern lounges” and lack original ideas? The pain of watching white girls dance has taken years off my life…….

My favorite reason for the smoking ban is because “Smoking imposes a heavy cost on society”. If smoking really kills people before their time then the savings on Medicare and Social Security would be enormous! If we really want to solve these crisis in our country, let people smoke! The Democrats could probably even convince Homo-phobic Middle America to vote their way if they used this as a platform.

Is smoking really more dangerous than other legal drugs like alcohol and caffeine? Does anyone spaz out on cigarettes like they do on Caffeine? Does someone crash their car killing innocent pedestrians because they are so fucked up from smoking cigarettes? Does anyone cheat on their wife and undermine the American family unit because they were so wasted on cigarettes?

The taxes on cigarettes are out of control as well. Increased Taxes have not stopped teenagers from smoking (as the geniuses thought it would). In fact, it has opened the doors for Smuggling and Organized Crime a la Prohibition. This actually is a decent business angle. In fact here is a free investment tip: Personally, I am liquid, long oil, long gambling, and long cigarette smuggling.

Let’s look at the facts:

Adolf Hitler, non-smoker
Gandhi, enjoyed an occasional smoke
Benedict Arnold, non-smoker
Albert Einstein, smoker
Ayatollah Khomeini, non-smoker
John F. Kennedy, smoker
Osama Bin-Laden, non-smoker
Notorious BIG, smoker
That balding jackass from that shitty 90’s rock/rap band Blimp Liscut, non-smoker
Frank Sinatra, smoker
Idi Amin, non-smoker
Pablo Picasso, smoker
J. Edgar Hoover, non-smoker
Nelson Mandela, enjoyed an occasional smoke
Pol Pot, non-smoker
George Washington (and all the founding fathers!), smokers
Charles Manson, non-smoker (believe it or not)
Bill Clinton, smoker (obviously)
David Koresh, non-smoker
Christopher Columbus, loved smoking!
And most importantly Girl Models Smoke!

Draw your own conclusions………

Anytime government infringes on our personal freedoms, we are in trouble. So do what I do: Light up in bars anyway. And carry extra CASH to pay for the fines. Compromise, Personal Freedom, Options, and Choice are what make our country great. Attacking these values only destroys our great country. I think I need to spend next winter in Rio di Janeiro, I know those girls can dance………..The Rest is Up to You……

Emails of the week in regards to last week’s G Manifesto: Insight into the world of Suits

“I just tore my stained Dickies off from back to front like a circus
clown. My Calvin Klein jacket has been serving as a chick repellent
for the past 10 years of my life, I had no idea and I am disgusted about
it. I just robbed 10 g’s from my dying best friend and I’m heading to grab me an Oxxford. Many thanks for the insight to suiting up like a G. G’s up, hoes down, now you mutha fuckas bounce to this!!!!”

“I just slipped into my new Oxxford suit pants and my rocket almost blew out the right pant leg. This is the best 10 G’s I ever stole and spent. Thanks Fisto, my ass meter is already in the red, game on mother fucker!!!”

Side Note:

A lot of people have been wondering if there was an assassination attempt on my life recently during the break of The G Manifesto. All I will say is next time bring more people. You didn’t know I was handy with the steel? Desert Eag. “You can’t take me out the picture I’m photogenic, I wash both of you all up even your co-defendant”—Papoose

Michael Porfirio Mason
AKA The Peoples Champ
The Guide to Getting More out of Life

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13 Comments on "The Smoking Gun"

  1. The G Manifesto
    23/03/2006 at 3:26 pm Permalink

    finally someone speaks the truth!

  2. The G Manifesto
    28/03/2006 at 12:49 am Permalink

    this is hilarious! Best stuff I have read in a while!

  3. The G Manifesto
    28/03/2006 at 12:55 am Permalink

    I love your writing!

  4. The G Manifesto
    28/03/2006 at 1:00 am Permalink

    come to england soon..

  5. The G Manifesto
    28/03/2006 at 1:04 am Permalink

    This just shows how crazy all the rules are these days.

  6. The G Manifesto
    19/04/2006 at 2:21 pm Permalink

    how about doing a manifesto on exotic dancers in rio di janeiro

  7. The G Manifesto
    10/05/2006 at 5:45 pm Permalink

    let people smoke

  8. The G Manifesto
    13/09/2006 at 5:29 pm Permalink

    Web legends come and go. Today’s spike in searches is tomorrow’s old news. We’ve seen the Star Wars Kid, Paris Hilton’s sex tape, and Janet Jackson’s breast grab the brass ring of Buzz for a moment in time. However, buzz on these legendary Web moments can’t compare to searches on a man who died just as the Internet was infiltrating mass consciousness.

    Ten years ago, Tupac Shakur died from gunshot wounds in Las Vegas, but his name still resonates through Buzz today. The dead rap legend never falls far from our top 50 music searches, a stellar accomplishment given the rapid turnover in musical tastes that ensures artists fall in and out of Buzz. Searches on Tupac jumped 15% this week and his legend looms largest with kids too young to appreciate the rapper during his short life—an astounding 42% of Tupac interest comes from teens in the 13-to-17 age bracket.

    Related queries on “tupac pictures” and “tupac lyrics” continue to inspire lookups from those fascinated by the hip-hop icon. The continued popularity of searches on “2pac,” “makaveli,” and “thug life” also attest to the Buzz power of Pac. And for those that believe Tupac is still among the living, we have queries on “tupac autopsy,” “tupac alive,” and “tupac shakur theories.” This unique rapper attracts more searches than any other dead celeb and it’ll be interesting to see how his legacy holds up in the second decade after his demise.

  9. The G Manifesto
    15/09/2006 at 6:57 pm Permalink

    Fuck Tupac

  10. The G Manifesto
    15/09/2006 at 6:58 pm Permalink

    fuck tupac..son..

  11. The G Manifesto
    Alan Golder - Dinnertime Bandit
    05/01/2007 at 7:01 pm Permalink

    Amen to that, Michael.

  12. The G Manifesto
    27/12/2009 at 9:44 pm Permalink

    I saw it online as a freebie on WikiBlast .net Its truly amazing!


  1. [...] The Smoking Gun | The G Manifesto - The wake the funeral and the burial after that nobody remembers…

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