How to Pick Up Your Favorite Pornstar

» 01 June 2011 » In Game, Girls, Guide, Nightlife, People »

How to Pick Up Your Favorite Pornstar

After detonating Shore Club, I roll up to Mint in Miami Beach, slap five with the doorman (you know who I am talking about), who says with an accent, “Nice suit, Michael”, and I respond “thanks, merci as I enter the arena.

Mint is popping like corn as usual; tons of fly girls, and the energy is sick.

I roll around, give a “two kisses” greeting to a Chilanga I sort of know and settle in for a Goose and Soda. Sixteen bucks. Not bad.

I am feeling great, and I am Custom Suited Down, so I start ripping the spot off the cord.

Number Crunch a fly Ecuadorian girl, and Number Crunch and kiss a fly Cubana. It’s on.

I take a little break, spark up a smoke, and then I see her: the flyest girl I have seen in Miami Beach. Or at least the flyest girl I have seen in a few hours.

She is tall, thin, and dancing like pop rocks mixed with Classic Coke. I catch my breath and make a move.

It is loud as f*ck, but I get her attention and whisper in her ear. She smiles. Pauses. Then unfortunately, continues dancing.

I pull out some big guns as I whisper in her ear again. She smiles. Kisses me on the cheek. Then unfortunately, continues dancing by herself.

I pull out and grab another cocktail to regroup; I look back over, this girl is fire like hillsides in Southern California during Santa Anas.

It then hits me; this girl is one of my favorite p0rnstars.

I have pretty much lost, but I kind of fancy myself as Arturo Gatti of nightlife, of sorts (as in, I often pull out spectacular knockouts from the brink of defeat), so I go back in.

I throw a hailmary left hook, and…miss.

She goes on dancing by herself. Unreal.

I think of pulling out the huge Bankroll I have in my pocket and “pitching” her, but I wisely decide against.

Oh well, even Arturo Gatti took losses.

Come to think of it, I think she only does lesbian p0rn these days.


After the p0rnstar debacle, I saw the flyest Mexicana girl smoking at the closest booth to the door with her friends. I have two Zippos in my pocket but I use The Greatest Opener of All Time.

I Number Crunch.

In the next two weeks, I close the Ecuadorian girl, the Cubana, and the Mexicana.

Not a bad night all in all.

I told you I was feeling great.

And remember, never give up.

(Side note: the girls in the pictures may or may not be the p0rnstar in question).

The Rest is Up to You…

Michael Porfirio Mason
AKA The Peoples Champ
AKA The Sly, Slick and the Wicked
AKA The Voodoo Child
The Guide to Getting More out of Life

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5 Comments on "How to Pick Up Your Favorite Pornstar"

  1. The G Manifesto
    02/06/2011 at 4:51 pm Permalink

    Pacific Beach, CA Shore Club? This place:

    San Diego, CA
    1.0 star rating

    Can anyone say Jersey Shore???!

    This place was packed with drunken idiots who kept mowing into me and my friend. One of them fell on top of the table, they all kept “WOO-HOO-ing” and even spilt beer on me. To top it off, there was a hair in my friends sandwich! Black, curly, and rather short…you get the idea! We sent it back and then as we were having our drink, we found ANOTHER HAIR! We asked for the manager and he was super cool and comped us the whole check. Also the location is prime with a great view, but only go here if you plan on being hammered.

  2. The G Manifesto
    Amour Fou
    04/06/2011 at 9:49 am Permalink

    Just wondering… how do you handle opening such a girl on a loud atmosphere like that? What do you usually “whisper” to them in these situations? What are the “big guns” you mention?

    I find it insanely difficult to game on loud environments…

  3. The G Manifesto
    05/06/2011 at 8:46 pm Permalink

    jersey shore? nope.

    he means this dope spot,, the one in south beach i rolled into this friday after i hit the delano (owned by the same group) and i could still see debris from G’s detonation.

  4. The G Manifesto
    07/06/2011 at 5:30 am Permalink

    Mad respect for sharing this one MPM

  5. The G Manifesto
    07/06/2011 at 1:37 pm Permalink

    G – hope you have big things poppin’ off for the Summer of ’11.

    With all your help in years past defeating what I believe you referred to as “Gaslamp Shirts”, Ed Hardy Shirts, and with a keen eye on eliminating the “Skinny Jeans” amongst other things of late, I have a special project to bring to your attention which seemingly keeps getting bigger and bigger. Namely, LMFAO AND this whole “Party Rock” movement. (65 million++ views on YouTube!!!)

    It is getting ridiculous what this “group” is doing and it’s just destroying American culture moreso, if that’s even possible at this point. “Party Rock” needs to kick rocks.

    PEOPLE’S CHAMP – we need your help!!!

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