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How to Pick Up Your Favorite Pornstar

» 01 June 2011 » In Game, Girls, Guide, Nightlife, People » 5 Comments

How to Pick Up Your Favorite Pornstar

After detonating Shore Club, I roll up to Mint in Miami Beach, slap five with the doorman (you know who I am talking about), who says with an accent, “Nice suit, Michael”, and I respond “thanks, merci as I enter the arena.

Mint is popping like corn as usual; tons of fly girls, and the energy is sick.

I roll around, give a “two kisses” greeting to a Chilanga I sort of know and settle in for a Goose and Soda. Sixteen bucks. Not bad.

I am feeling great, and I am Custom Suited Down, so I start ripping the spot off the cord.

Number Crunch a fly Ecuadorian girl, and Number Crunch and kiss a fly Cubana. It’s on.

I take a little break, spark up a smoke, and then I see her: the flyest girl I have seen in Miami Beach. Or at least the flyest girl I have seen in a few hours.

She is tall, thin, and dancing like pop rocks mixed with Classic Coke. I catch my breath and make a move.

It is loud as f*ck, but I get her attention and whisper in her ear. She smiles. Pauses. Then unfortunately, continues dancing.

I pull out some big guns as I whisper in her ear again. She smiles. Kisses me on the cheek. Then unfortunately, continues dancing by herself.

I pull out and grab another cocktail to regroup; I look back over, this girl is fire like hillsides in Southern California during Santa Anas.

It then hits me; this girl is one of my favorite p0rnstars.

I have pretty much lost, but I kind of fancy myself as Arturo Gatti of nightlife, of sorts (as in, I often pull out spectacular knockouts from the brink of defeat), so I go back in.

I throw a hailmary left hook, and…miss.

She goes on dancing by herself. Unreal.

I think of pulling out the huge Bankroll I have in my pocket and “pitching” her, but I wisely decide against.

Oh well, even Arturo Gatti took losses.

Come to think of it, I think she only does lesbian p0rn these days.


After the p0rnstar debacle, I saw the flyest Mexicana girl smoking at the closest booth to the door with her friends. I have two Zippos in my pocket but I use The Greatest Opener of All Time.

I Number Crunch.

In the next two weeks, I close the Ecuadorian girl, the Cubana, and the Mexicana.

Not a bad night all in all.

I told you I was feeling great.

And remember, never give up.

(Side note: the girls in the pictures may or may not be the p0rnstar in question).

The Rest is Up to You…

Michael Porfirio Mason
AKA The Peoples Champ
AKA The Sly, Slick and the Wicked
AKA The Voodoo Child
The Guide to Getting More out of Life


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