America’s Image Problem
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There is no doubt that George Bush damaged America’s reputation Internationally, as anyone who has travel the world extensively since the 1990’s will tell you.
This year however, I have noticed that the once great “Image” of Americans has also taken a header like Cisco did recently (and I am not talking about that weesh R&B artist, that wack food supply company, or that low-end booze that makes fools jump out of windows either).
I started noticing America’s Image Problem when I went to Barcelona earlier this year. I told the story of a stunningly beautiful Catalan girl who stepped to me in a dope hotel bar. (Side note: I can’t really blame her since I was feeling great and I was wearing a sicker than “foot in mouth” Custom Made Suit).
Anyways, after consummating the relationship in my dope apartment in the Eixample, she started off an interesting conversation:
Fly Catalan Girl: I am surprised you are American.
Michael Mason: (Not really in the mood for conversation, but I decide to bite) Why?
Fly Catalan Girl: Because you seem cool, and you have good style.
Michael Mason: Most American’s that come to Barcelona don’t?
Fly Catalan Girl: No. Most American’s are wankers.
(Side note II: She learned her English while modeling in London. Hence the use of the word “wanker”).
I really thought nothing of the exchange at the time.
Then fast forward to London Fashion week, when I was hanging out with a fly rich daughter of a Colombian mining family. We were taking a leisurely stroll near Wellington Square in Chelsea, puffing on jacks.
Michael Mason: Where have you traveled to in America?
Fly Rich Colombian Girl: NYC, California, DC, Miami Beach, New Orleans, Las Vegas etc (continuing a long list).
Michael Mason: Do you like America?
Fly Rich Colombian Girl: Yes, its nice to visit. But I am am always surprised by how fat the people are. Especially the girls.
This conversation was pretty interesting, as I aways thought that America had pulled one over on the rest of the world making them think our women were tops through our Media and Hollywood Hype Machine. But I didn’t think too much of it, as this fly rich Colombian girl had actually been to America, and thus “pulled the curtain back”, so to speak.
This whole thing really came to a “head”, so to speak, on my recent travels to Riga, Latvia.
I had no less that 5 different girls in Riga, Latvia say to me: “American Girls, they are really fat, yeah?” And only a couple of them had actually been to America.
I was particually brutal when I was hanging out with two fly Latvian girls, 18 and 19 years old, with thin, beautiful Baltic bodies and they said “American Girls, they are really fat, yeah?” and both girls started laughing evilly, wickedly and uncontrollably while sipping on cocktails.
It was then that I realized: America is a joke to the rest of the world.
How did we fall so fast?
The Rest is Up to You…
Michael Porfirio Mason
AKA The Peoples Champ
AKA GFK, Jr.
AKA The Sly, Slick and the Wicked
AKA The Voodoo Child
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