The G Manifesto

American Girls: Ugg Boots VS High Heels

So I was chilling, Custom Suited Down recently in a certain up-market part of Southern California that I spend a lot of time in when I am back on the Nacirema turf.

I was with one of my droogs from way back when we were flipping Beans, talking biz and trading war stories at a pretty dope lunch spot that is pretty hipstered out (but keep in mind this is Southern California so it is kind of pseudo-hipster).

The owner, some top-flight glam hipster cat who everyone thinks is so cool (and unbelievably girls like the guy, or maybe not so “unbelievably” in this day and age) came over to greet us.

He is a fan.

My friend and I are trying to talk dollars and sense and I got skippy in a fedora yapping in my ear asking me where I have been this year and on and on.

When I finally brushed him off so he could go make yogurt double lattes with extra whipped cream, or whatever the hell hipsters drink, my friend, who is a certified International Playboy just like me said, “Typical stay at home American. Minimal passports stamps, that guy. Probably does the Maui-Las Vegas-Cabo triangle and thinks he is making moves…”

I said, “Yeah, just like those cats that move some ounces and think they are causing a crimewave…” before I noticed something that was making me edgy for the last 10 minutes…

Every goddamn girl sitting outside of this “trendy, up-market, hipster joint” are wearing Ugg Boots.

I almost flipped my lid. (I think it is because I have been sparring again. F*ck Halloween. I have been turning into a Monster. I had to spark up a cigarette to calm down.)

This Ugg Boot stuff really has to stop.

Look. I have heard the excuses from Americant girls.

“High-Heels just aren’t comfortable during the day…”

Bullsh*t.

In Riga, Latvia, girls wear high heels on cobblestones. In wintertime.

And I have heard girls say:

“I just can’t move around in high heels…”

Bullsh*t again.

I know an Exotic Dancer that can do this Bruce Lee Move on the stage in High Heels:

So let’s put this to rest once and for all.

Let’s do a comparison.

Which is better?

Ugg Boots?

Or High Heels?

Any questions?

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Michael Porfirio Mason
AKA The Peoples Champ
AKA GFK, Jr.
AKA The Sly, Slick and the Wicked
AKA The Voodoo Child
The Guide to Getting More out of Life

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