The Making of an International Playboy
Life is good. Life is so good, I can feel an intense Euphoria when I exhale a lung full of Parliament Ultra Light smoke (and I don’t mean that Exotic Dancer from The Rhino in Las Vegas named Euphoria, real name Tricia, etiher). Well, let’s just say my life is way better than yours. Just this week I have slept with six different beautiful women (a diversified portfolio of 2 fly exotic dancers al mismo tiempo, a top tier Nightlife Princess, a Brazilian model girl from Elite, a Czech/ Canadian model from Toronto, and a rich daughter who’s dad is a West Coast titan of industry microchips and such, I think). I have been in three different dope cities, and dined at some of America’s best restaurants (Alinea in Chicago being a standout, Grant Achatz is a rising star on the Holyfield), most of it comped. Bartenders have refused to take my money. I have insisted. I haven’t gotten out of bed (and I don’t mean Club B.E.D in Miami Beach either) before 10am every morning and that is only to kick out the girl or girls from the night before (kick outs are always done respectfully of course). I had a money counting session with some Koi Fish Japanese guys I know, that let’s just say required a money counter. And I have done it all while puffing on cigarettes and swathed in custom made Italian fabrics so my style points have been off the charts. I even started to floss every day. By the way, how was your week? But it always wasn’t like this. There are many moves and lessons I have picked up along the way, many during childhood. Here are some of them:
Get a Good Running Partner
Back in elementary school, first grade, I met one of my best friends who became very instrumental in my becoming an International Playboy. The first day of school we had a new kid come to class, let’s call him “Jason”. We were all sitting on a rug listening to the teacher try and teach us stuff about reading or animals or some crap. Now, for some reason or another, my inner city elementary school had a pretty bad cockroach problem. Not sure why, our school just had mad amounts of these critters scurrying across the floor. So, anyway, when the teacher was trying to go over our lessons, Jason starts picking up the cockroaches and throwing them at all the little girls in our class. You could imagine that the shrieking coming from the girls was absolutely deafening. Personally, I was laughing my head off. The teacher was screaming at Jason to stop it, and screaming at me for laughing. Once the teacher settled everyone down, Jason would grab another cockroach and throw it at the girls. I could tell he had zero respect for authority and plenty of heart. He was soon sent out of class to sit in the hall. I also noticed that the girls actually kind of liked him. I was really too young to care, but I did etch it in my young skull that maybe being a “nice guy” wasn’t the best way to get girls.
Later during recess, I saw Jason playing on the monkey bars and I could see he had mad skills. Backflips off the monkey bars and such. I approached him. I think I said something like, “I know your new here and don’t have any friends. I really love your material. That whole cockroach thing was genius. You and I need to team up. I think we can do well together”. He agreed. He became my first “Running Partner”. See, I was a great idea man, and I needed someone with heart to help carry out my schemes. Jason was it. We pulled off a lot of great heists together, and later in life, Jason’s climbing ability, utter disrespect for authority, and fearlessness made him a great Second Story Man.
LL Cool J, I’m Bad
Bullies and Peoples Champs
Around this same time, we had a school Bully we will call “Billy”. Way bigger than the rest of us, Billy was as mean as he was tough. He generally steered clear of me and my Syndicate that I had developed in first grade. He mostly picked on the weaker kids. Even as a little kid, I have fancied myself as a “People’s Champion” and a protector of the weak and oppressed (that is why even today I give a lot of my “earnings” back to the poor and help bankroll liberal politicians). One day, Billy went after one of the kids in my outfit and gave him a pretty good beating. I had fought Billy before with minimal success, although I was quicker, and had mad hand speed like a young Sugar Ray (and I don’t mean that Crappy band from Newport Beach either), he was just too big. So, later, my crew and I came up with a scheme. We would “do it for Johnny”. Four of us came after Billy. I stepped up first and I started dropping Bees on his face. Pretty soon he was leaking some red stuff that looked like the Cabernet my MOM used to drink every night while she cooked Tortilla Espanola and Paella. Billy then grabbed me and I got him in a head lock. I was done for except for my friend who we will call “Charlie” (who was half Irish, half African American, the fastest of us and later in life a great getaway driver and Playboy in his own right), Picked up a huge rock and dropped it on Billy’s ankle. It had to hurt. Billy even cried for the first time. Other kids were in celebration. Our crew was tops. Girls congratulated and sweated us. Billy continued his Bullying ways but not on us. In fact, Billy and I kind of became friends. I used him for certain “muscle” jobs later on.
Palmer Park’s own, Sugar Ray Leonard, the 2nd Sugar Ray (the first being Sugar Ray Robinson)
Style and Smoking
When I was in I think in third grade, my family and I went on a trip to Northern Ireland. Most families go to tropical places on vacation, Bahamas, Bermuda, Hawaii and the like. My family went to war-torn Belfast. I guess that’s the price you pay when your father is a Heist man/Revolutionary/Playboy (that is until he met my MOM, and the Playboy stuff was over). I remember my dad took me to meet some of my relatives, IRA all of them. My uncle who dressed in the Irish IRA height of fashion for those days; black leather jacket, black slacks, and Irish flat cap, was sitting on the back of truck. Then I saw him take a “strike-anywhere” match, strike it on the bumper of the truck and light his cigarette. I was awe-struck. It was the coolest thing I have ever seen done in my young life (probably even cooler than Jason’s cockroach thing). Puro Cool. Un-cut Raw like the Toro at Nobu London. I also noticed that two fly girls, Irish Lasses, one red head with freckles the other brunette, looked over at him and giggled. He subtly ignored them. There were so many things I learned that day. Not the least is I realized I liked girls with freckles. Most important I learned how to have true style and that if you want true style you are going to have to smoke. No other way around it.
Rumble Fish, Rusty James VS Biff Wilcox
CASH and Making it
When we hit the fourth grade, I wanted to start making some dough like a bakery. I remember at the time that Bubble Yum and Bubblicious, the gum companies, were in a marketing war. All the kids wanted the stuff. There was a high demand. I decided I was going to be the supply. My crew and I would skip school or go after school to our local deli and buy packs of gum (5 pieces per pack). We would also find money returnable Coke bottles to help finance our operation (so I guess you could say we were budding environmentalists along with prototype G’s). Let’s say the gum cost 25 cents per pack. We would then sell the gum for ten cents apiece. We were doubling our money and soon had a Bankroll. We used Billy for protection and collections. We also learned not to “get high on our own supply” and chew up all our profits. My friend Jason also had an idea that if we stole the gum we would be making all profit. This worked great until we got caught. We learned never to screw over our supplier. I also learned that its good business to buy something in bulk and to sell off the pieces (is it any wonder I would later get involved in the pharmaceutical trade?). Most importantly, I learned that if you had something “illegal” and had CASH, girls were drawn to you. In my case, it was a girl named “Claudia”, the daughter of an Argentinian Diplomat. She was beautiful, rich, classy, had great style and crazy fly. And she was down with me. If I think about it, my life with women has really gone all downhill from this point. Of course, I didn’t swoop her, I still had no Game nor interest in girls at this age. But I did notice that showing no interest made Claudia want me more. I did make a mental note of all this, but I will admit, I blew it. I did see Claudia in some International cosmetic ads years later on, she didn’t have to model, she just did. I think she is back in Argentina now and goes to Punta del Este often. C’est la vie.
The Intruders, Cowboys to girls
The Warriors, The Warriors VS The Punks
Around this time, Jason, “Tommy” and I wanted to make a big splash and cement our status as the number one top prototype baby G’s on the set. (My friend Tommy was Japanese, knew Karate, and I was to learn later the son of a Japanese political figure/ Yakuza heavy weight…I went to a pretty Urbane, Cosmopolitan, International School). We knew we needed something big. I had the Plan. Let me explain… At our school, we would go to recess, then after recess, we would all rush into school and go to lunch. All the kids would put their lunchboxes in a row in the hall, when the bell rang for lunch the kids would enter thru double doors, freaking out, grab their lunch boxes and run to the lunch room. It was pretty chaotic. What we did during recess was each ask a different teacher if we could go to the bathroom. We all met up in the hallway and one by one we unlatched all of the lunchboxes. Then we returned to recess. Once the bell rang, all the kids spazzing out, ran thru the double doors and proceeded to grab their lunch boxes while running to the lunch room. Only this time all the lunch boxes were flying open with food flying everywhere. Italian kids had Cannelloni, Caponata di Carciofi, and canolis flying everywhere. Irish kids had Corned Beef and Cabbage flying everywhere. Cuban kids had Cuban sandwiches and Ropa Vieja flying everywhere. Jewish kids had Matzo Ball Soup and Potato Latkes flying everywhere. Colombian kids had Ajiaco and Bandeja Paisa flying everywhere. Thai kids had Pad Thai flying everywhere. Ethopian kids had Injera Bread flying everywhere. Korean kids had Kim Chee flying everywhere (I told you I went to a very International school). Everyone was slipping and sliding everywhere. It was so beautiful. It was hilarious and we kept our mouths shut and were never fingered for the “heist”. We also realized we didn’t make any CASH from this. But we did realize that proper planning, working with a good crew, proper execution and keeping our mouths shut was paramount to any crime. The Rest is Up to You…
Common, The People
Michael Porfirio Mason
AKA The Peoples Champ
AKA The Voodoo Child
The Guide to Getting More out of Life
(Want to see something in The G Manifesto? Send suggestions to firstname.lastname@example.org)
The Outsiders, wack song, Dope Rumble, Greasers vs Socs
The Warriors, The Warriors VS The Baseball Furies