Yoga Game Part Four: Yoga Swoop
“I remember you in The Godfather. And I remember you beat up some guy with the garbage cans or whatever the story was, but you’re not a tough guy. You may think you’re a tough guy because you’re wacked out of your mind on coke, but you’re just an asshole in flip-flops.” – Jon Roberts to actor James Caan.
“I didn’t care if what I did was respected by society or not. My idea of a party was a bunch of Playboy Bunnies on Quaaludes in the back room of the Forge.” – Jon Roberts, American Desperado
“He made a new table for us in the middle of the restaurant, and we finished breakfast all by ourselves. I felt invincible. There I was, twenty-two, and I’d just f*cked James Bond’s girlfriend in the toilet.” - Jon Roberts
So I am chilling outside the Yoga class waiting for it to start and I am reading the most “un-Yoga” book of all time: American Desperado.
I am reading about how Jon Roberts, who you may know from Cocaine Cowboy’s Fame is talking about skinning people alive in Vietnam when a fly girl sits down next to me and says, “hello”. I am pseudo-startled and I was so entrenched in reading stories about the correct way to gut someone so their intestines popping out like “Jiffy Pop”.
I say “Hello” back and continue reading.
The fly girl then says, “What are you reading?”
I am thinking to myself, “That is my line!”
And respond, “American Desperado, it’s pretty good”.
I put my book down and commence to Game spitting as I can tell it’s on. Although, who knows with these Yoga girls.
Class begins. It’s a “warm restorative class” so I definitely enjoy it.
I am waiting for the fly girl I was talking to before class to just get up and split, but she waits around for me to get all my stuff together.
We walk outside.
“Where do you live?”, I say.
“Just a few blocks that way”, she responds.
“Cool, I will walk you home”, I reply.
“Great”, says with a smile.
We roll towards her house, and I can tell that she is down. However, my Game is way subdued. Minimal aggression. If this was a girl I met at a club, I probably would have swooped her in Public by now.
But instead, I am just chilling, responding with a lot of “yeah, that is so cool” and “yeah, that is so beautiful”. I almost want to slap myself for being such a Yoga dork.
However, I get myself out of my Yoga stupor for a minute, and say, “You should come with me to Sushi on Saturday night”. She thinks that is a great idea.
I walk her to her condo and Number Crunch.
Fast forward to Saturday night.
I use the Three Point First Date Swoop Move to a T.
Finally. The Yoga Monkey is off my back.
There really is something to the Yoga thing.
The Rest is Up to You…
Michael Porfirio Mason
AKA The Peoples Champ
AKA GFK, Jr.
AKA The Sly, Slick and the Wicked
AKA The Voodoo Child
The Guide to Getting More out of Life
Jeffrey Osborne – Stay With Me Tonight