Why I love a Down Economy?
Why I love a Down Economy?
All you hear these days is Regular Guy whining about having no Dough in the Down Economy. More negative energy floating around than at Biggie’s funeral. But everything is going to be alright this morning.
As you know by now, The G is a breed apart. We got our Mojo working. G’s are kneading more Dough than Wolfgang Puck at Spago’s in the 80’s.
Sure G’s like to diss things that need dissing: Bottle Service, Mortgage Brokers, Restaurants serving crappy Dungeness crab cakes, Police, Guys wearing Glittery Christian Audiger shirts, white girls who can’t dance and favor flip-flops over high heels etc. But generally speaking we like to keep positive vibrations.
The Up Economy was cool (actually it has been stylistically, culturally and intellectually the worst decade yet, but that is neither Marinella ties nor Colombian Pies. I will address in a future Manifesto), but the Down Economy is even better:
Girls coming out the Woodwork
I am sure everyone has noticed this. Ever since the Down Economy has been in full effect, girls have been coming back like Bernard “The Executioner” Hopkins. At least twice a day, I get little girls lost re-contacting me with calls and texts. It has gotten to be so sublime and ridiculous that I am actually kicking around the idea of out-sourcing to India a secretary to field all my incoming calls and texts a la The Four Hour Work Week by Tim Ferriss. I think the reason for this goes something like this:
Honey dip settled for some striped shirted fool in the wack BMW whip during the Up Economy. Now “Guy” is out of work, out of dough and can barely afford his sparkly Ed Hardy shirts and queer ripped jeans, let alone a night out on the town or his condo mortgage payment. Now girl remembers you as the brutally handsome, sharply dressed G who was LA, next week MIA, the week after BA. Little does she know, as far as giving up green, “I ain’t the one”. But, I will get Brain like a “know it all”.
“Note Jobs” are up at Banks. So are “Smash and Grabs”. This only makes it easier for high-end Heistmen like your humble author to ply his trade, as police resources are being used up. Drug dealers are making more money these days, too. Independent dealers are on the rise. All the better to Standover, Oh my Brothers. If you want some pretty polly…you take it.
Public Opinion Improved
Girls are so desperate these days, you can actually, finally, tell the truth about what you do for a living. Just the other night, as an unofficial case study, I told a fly Platinum Digger with light Grey Eyes and lies, when she asked me what I did for a living I said, “I rob Drug Dealers.” The Platinum Digger actually responded, “Wow. That seems like a good job… must pretty recession proof”. In 2005 she would have been running away like Usain Bolt, had I been honest.
Wearing Flash Suits
Suits have more punch these days than Andre Berto. Everyone, and I mean everyone loves the well dressed, International Playboy/Heistman/Peoples Champ in these grim economic times.
Bring terror, like C4, and boom step in the room with a Custom one button Saville Row suit with Claret red interior, Borelli shirt, Brioni Pocket Square, Berluti shoes, and lighting a cigarette with a Dunhill lighter and you will have girls locking jaws on you like one of Michael Vick’s prized pitbulls. It’s mad Scary. Like Edgar Allen Poe’s “The Tell-Tale Heart”, lyrical poisonous darts or macroeconomic charts.
And with Great Britian’s Drop in currency value since a year ago at 23%, it’s about time to pick up some new Saville Row suits. Trust me, they will pay for themselves.
Having a huge Bankroll these days is more rare than the seared Ahi at Masa in NYC. So it goes without saying, that having a huge Bankroll is going to drive girls wilder than an opium dusted, bi-polar-crack head drinking Cisco waving around a malfunctioning deuce-deuce. Mascara is melting off China Dolls when you flash rolls. And I am not talking about Beans either.
It hasn’t happened yet, but with tough economic times comes better music. Hip Hop has had an atrocious decade, but with DC’s own Wale and some other dope new school non-hip hop shit, I think we are going to see a turn around. Like Immortal Technique says “The bling-bling era was cute but it’s about to be done, I leave you full of clips like the moon blocking the sun”.
Wale Feat Duffy – Warwick Avenue
Making money is actually easier in many ways in a Down Economy. Less clowns all up in the Game. Less talkers. More takers. (See The Top Ten Ways to Make Money in a Down Economy). Just don’t forget to give back to the less fortunate.
With less liquid CASH around (and I don’t mean Chris Paciello’s 90’s Miami Beach Nightclub Liquid that I used to hold court at as a young Proto-type G either) girls have less money and get more fiendy for cigarettes. Which means you will have more little girls “setting out that line” at the witching hour every night. Which means you have more chances to throw Voodoo on Fly Girls. And you know I got the Black Cat Bone, mojo bag, the John The Conqueroo and I am going to mess with you. Mean Mannish Boy. Hoochie Coochie Man and all that.
Muddy Waters – Mannish Boy (1971)
Also, in the Down Economy, restaurateurs have less say on whether or not you can smoke jacks in their spots. What are they going to do? Tell you that you can’t smoke when you are their best customer? Light up. And feel the elegant nicotine high. Fly pelican fly.
I would love to say I don’t feel pleasure in others failure. But to be honest, I do. I love to ash on my rivals mangled and bloodied bodies decaying in a 5 foot deep lime pit. Metaphorically speaking, of course.
Traveling is so much easier these days. Way shorter security lines. Sick Hotels, in sick trouble, are offering rooms at prices akin to a mean streets Ghetto flop house. Even Las Vegas can be done on the cheap. Wynn Las Vegas was offering rooms for $169 on a Friday recently. I felt like I was pulling a Heist. (I don’t have to tell you I got my Encore Tower Suite Deluxe King comped. Over 2,200 square feet of Luxury, in case you didn’t know.)
And with the Australian Dollar down 28% this year, it’s time again to Swoop Girls and Influence People.
Getting your favorite table at a restaurant is even easier than swooping a slip-sliding Nightlife Princesses in a Down Economy. Restaurateurs even pro-bono you more. Plus, you don’t have as many Red State tourist yokels leaning over your shoulder asking, “Whaat is thaat your eatin’?” when you are trying to relax and enjoy some Foie Gras and a glass of Red.
More Foreign Girls
The Down Economy has made more Euro girls come to America (we will see if it holds up), so you can swoop way more of them without leaving the USA. They may call you a Lothario, a seductor, a séducteur or a freak but the fact remains I swoop a different fly girl every day of the week.
The Rest is Up to You…
Michael Porfirio Mason
AKA The Peoples Champ
AKA The 7th Prince
The Guide to Getting More out of Life
N.W.A – I ain’t the one
Muddy Waters – Hoochie Coochie Man (1971)