The flawless 6.04 carat Blue Diamon was sold today for $7.98 million (or £3.91 million, the dollar is so weak right now. It can really hurt when you need to pick up some custom suits…Savile Row), the highest ever paid for a rare gemstone at auction per carat. It was expected to go for $6 million at Sotheby’s in Hong Kong.
My contacts tell me the bidding was pretty intense, as the Blue Diamond attracted potential heavyweight buyers from around the world. Blue Diamonds really only come from the Premier Mine in South Africa where the chances of finding one is a longshot, to say the least. Another famous Blue Diamond is the Hope Diamond (the largest in the world, at 45.52 carats) which now resides in the Smithsonian Institute in Washington D.C. (were I have spent many an afternoon casing it).
The “Hancock Red” diamond, which fetched $926,000 (£456,000) per carat in New York in April 1987.
The Blue Diamond was bought by Moussaieff Jewellers and will be locked a vault in Mayfair. I have been meaning to go to London soon, anyway, this just gives me another reason.
Life is good. Life is so good, I can feel an intense Euphoria when I exhale a lung full of Parliament Ultra Light smoke (and I don’t mean that Exotic Dancer from The Rhino in Las Vegas named Euphoria, real name Tricia, etiher). Well, let’s just say my life is way better than yours. Just this week I have slept with six different beautiful women (a diversified portfolio of 2 fly exotic dancers al mismo tiempo, a top tier Nightlife Princess, a Brazilian model girl from Elite, a Czech/ Canadian model from Toronto, and a rich daughter who’s dad is a West Coast titan of industry microchips and such, I think). I have been in three different dope cities, and dined at some of America’s best restaurants (Alinea in Chicago being a standout, Grant Achatz is a rising star on the Holyfield), most of it comped. Bartenders have refused to take my money. I have insisted. I haven’t gotten out of bed (and I don’t mean Club B.E.D in Miami Beach either) before 10am every morning and that is only to kick out the girl or girls from the night before (kick outs are always done respectfully of course). I had a money counting session with some Koi Fish Japanese guys I know, that let’s just say required a money counter. And I have done it all while puffing on cigarettes and swathed in custom made Italian fabrics so my style points have been off the charts. I even started to floss every day. By the way, how was your week? But it always wasn’t like this. There are many moves and lessons I have picked up along the way, many during childhood. Here are some of them:
Get a Good Running Partner
Back in elementary school, first grade, I met one of my best friends who became very instrumental in my becoming an International Playboy. The first day of school we had a new kid come to class, let’s call him “Jason”. We were all sitting on a rug listening to the teacher try and teach us stuff about reading or animals or some crap. Now, for some reason or another, my inner city elementary school had a pretty bad cockroach problem. Not sure why, our school just had mad amounts of these critters scurrying across the floor. So, anyway, when the teacher was trying to go over our lessons, Jason starts picking up the cockroaches and throwing them at all the little girls in our class. You could imagine that the shrieking coming from the girls was absolutely deafening. Personally, I was laughing my head off. The teacher was screaming at Jason to stop it, and screaming at me for laughing. Once the teacher settled everyone down, Jason would grab another cockroach and throw it at the girls. I could tell he had zero respect for authority and plenty of heart. He was soon sent out of class to sit in the hall. I also noticed that the girls actually kind of liked him. I was really too young to care, but I did etch it in my young skull that maybe being a “nice guy” wasn’t the best way to get girls.
Later during recess, I saw Jason playing on the monkey bars and I could see he had mad skills. Backflips off the monkey bars and such. I approached him. I think I said something like, “I know your new here and don’t have any friends. I really love your material. That whole cockroach thing was genius. You and I need to team up. I think we can do well together”. He agreed. He became my first “Running Partner”. See, I was a great idea man, and I needed someone with heart to help carry out my schemes. Jason was it. We pulled off a lot of great heists together, and later in life, Jason’s climbing ability, utter disrespect for authority, and fearlessness made him a great Second Story Man.
LL Cool J, I’m Bad
Bullies and Peoples Champs
Around this same time, we had a school Bully we will call “Billy”. Way bigger than the rest of us, Billy was as mean as he was tough. He generally steered clear of me and my Syndicate that I had developed in first grade. He mostly picked on the weaker kids. Even as a little kid, I have fancied myself as a “People’s Champion” and a protector of the weak and oppressed (that is why even today I give a lot of my “earnings” back to the poor and help bankroll liberal politicians). One day, Billy went after one of the kids in my outfit and gave him a pretty good beating. I had fought Billy before with minimal success, although I was quicker, and had mad hand speed like a young Sugar Ray (and I don’t mean that Crappy band from Newport Beach either), he was just too big. So, later, my crew and I came up with a scheme. We would “do it for Johnny”. Four of us came after Billy. I stepped up first and I started dropping Bees on his face. Pretty soon he was leaking some red stuff that looked like the Cabernet my MOM used to drink every night while she cooked Tortilla Espanola and Paella. Billy then grabbed me and I got him in a head lock. I was done for except for my friend who we will call “Charlie” (who was half Irish, half African American, the fastest of us and later in life a great getaway driver and Playboy in his own right), Picked up a huge rock and dropped it on Billy’s ankle. It had to hurt. Billy even cried for the first time. Other kids were in celebration. Our crew was tops. Girls congratulated and sweated us. Billy continued his Bullying ways but not on us. In fact, Billy and I kind of became friends. I used him for certain “muscle” jobs later on.
Palmer Park’s own, Sugar Ray Leonard, the 2nd Sugar Ray (the first being Sugar Ray Robinson)
Style and Smoking
When I was in I think in third grade, my family and I went on a trip to Northern Ireland. Most families go to tropical places on vacation, Bahamas, Bermuda, Hawaii and the like. My family went to war-torn Belfast. I guess that’s the price you pay when your father is a Heist man/Revolutionary/Playboy (that is until he met my MOM, and the Playboy stuff was over). I remember my dad took me to meet some of my relatives, IRA all of them. My uncle who dressed in the Irish IRA height of fashion for those days; black leather jacket, black slacks, and Irish flat cap, was sitting on the back of truck. Then I saw him take a “strike-anywhere” match, strike it on the bumper of the truck and light his cigarette. I was awe-struck. It was the coolest thing I have ever seen done in my young life (probably even cooler than Jason’s cockroach thing). Puro Cool. Un-cut Raw like the Toro at Nobu London. I also noticed that two fly girls, Irish Lasses, one red head with freckles the other brunette, looked over at him and giggled. He subtly ignored them. There were so many things I learned that day. Not the least is I realized I liked girls with freckles. Most important I learned how to have true style and that if you want true style you are going to have to smoke. No other way around it.
Rumble Fish, Rusty James VS Biff Wilcox
CASH and Making it
When we hit the fourth grade, I wanted to start making some dough like a bakery. I remember at the time that Bubble Yum and Bubblicious, the gum companies, were in a marketing war. All the kids wanted the stuff. There was a high demand. I decided I was going to be the supply. My crew and I would skip school or go after school to our local deli and buy packs of gum (5 pieces per pack). We would also find money returnable Coke bottles to help finance our operation (so I guess you could say we were budding environmentalists along with prototype G’s). Let’s say the gum cost 25 cents per pack. We would then sell the gum for ten cents apiece. We were doubling our money and soon had a Bankroll. We used Billy for protection and collections. We also learned not to “get high on our own supply” and chew up all our profits. My friend Jason also had an idea that if we stole the gum we would be making all profit. This worked great until we got caught. We learned never to screw over our supplier. I also learned that its good business to buy something in bulk and to sell off the pieces (is it any wonder I would later get involved in the pharmaceutical trade?). Most importantly, I learned that if you had something “illegal” and had CASH, girls were drawn to you. In my case, it was a girl named “Claudia”, the daughter of an Argentinian Diplomat. She was beautiful, rich, classy, had great style and crazy fly. And she was down with me. If I think about it, my life with women has really gone all downhill from this point. Of course, I didn’t swoop her, I still had no Game nor interest in girls at this age. But I did notice that showing no interest made Claudia want me more. I did make a mental note of all this, but I will admit, I blew it. I did see Claudia in some International cosmetic ads years later on, she didn’t have to model, she just did. I think she is back in Argentina now and goes to Punta del Este often. C’est la vie.
The Intruders, Cowboys to girls
The Warriors, The Warriors VS The Punks
Heists
Around this time, Jason, “Tommy” and I wanted to make a big splash and cement our status as the number one top prototype baby G’s on the set. (My friend Tommy was Japanese, knew Karate, and I was to learn later the son of a Japanese political figure/ Yakuza heavy weight…I went to a pretty Urbane, Cosmopolitan, International School). We knew we needed something big. I had the Plan. Let me explain… At our school, we would go to recess, then after recess, we would all rush into school and go to lunch. All the kids would put their lunchboxes in a row in the hall, when the bell rang for lunch the kids would enter thru double doors, freaking out, grab their lunch boxes and run to the lunch room. It was pretty chaotic. What we did during recess was each ask a different teacher if we could go to the bathroom. We all met up in the hallway and one by one we unlatched all of the lunchboxes. Then we returned to recess. Once the bell rang, all the kids spazzing out, ran thru the double doors and proceeded to grab their lunch boxes while running to the lunch room. Only this time all the lunch boxes were flying open with food flying everywhere. Italian kids had Cannelloni, Caponata di Carciofi, and canolis flying everywhere. Irish kids had Corned Beef and Cabbage flying everywhere. Cuban kids had Cuban sandwiches and Ropa Vieja flying everywhere. Jewish kids had Matzo Ball Soup and Potato Latkes flying everywhere. Colombian kids had Ajiaco and Bandeja Paisa flying everywhere. Thai kids had Pad Thai flying everywhere. Ethopian kids had Injera Bread flying everywhere. Korean kids had Kim Chee flying everywhere (I told you I went to a very International school). Everyone was slipping and sliding everywhere. It was so beautiful. It was hilarious and we kept our mouths shut and were never fingered for the “heist”. We also realized we didn’t make any CASH from this. But we did realize that proper planning, working with a good crew, proper execution and keeping our mouths shut was paramount to any crime. The Rest is Up to You…
Common, The People
Michael Porfirio Mason
AKA The Peoples Champ
AKA The Voodoo Child
The Guide to Getting More out of Life http://www.thegmanifesto.com
(Want to see something in The G Manifesto? Send suggestions to thegmanifesto@yahoo.com)
The Outsiders, wack song, Dope Rumble, Greasers vs Socs
This week we are going to address an email that was sent to The G Manifesto:
“I wanted to let you know that I love the G Manifesto and all your advice. I dont mean to disrespect you but it seems like all your advice is for people that have a lot of money. I want to get girls and be a G. I am young (19) and want to be like you so if you if you could tell me how to make some cash that would help. Thanks. John.”
Alright John. First of all, you can never be me. Second, Stay in School, study hard, take a corporate job, marry an ex-sorority girl that can’t cook and move to the suburbs. Do you really want the life of The G? Do you really want sleeping with beautiful women to seem mundane because it happens so frequent like flight mileage? (Actually, sleeping with beautiful women never gets mundane) But, do you really want to dodge bullets, deal with hit squads, experience betrayal, have friends sellout, avoid snitches, Cops, date models, Exotic Dancers, high-society blue blood girls, have mad cash flow, travel to beautiful locales, get treated like a king in nightclubs, Sushi Chefs giving you the best cuts of Toro, and have a wardrobe and gun collection that’s equivalent to most “successful” peoples net worth? Maybe you do. Either way I am not going to give you any advice, but I will tell a little story of what I did when I was younger and you can take from it what you will. Fair Enough?
When you are a typical 19 years old guy you don’t have many options for work or girls. No one is really going to hire you for 150k a year to come to the office every day. And no self respecting girl over 22 years old is going to date you. You need CASH or you are basically fu**ed. Here is what I did:
When I was young I got a Valet job at one of the hottest nightclubs in Hollywood. You know, Celebs, Actors, Actresses, Fly Girls, Playboys, Working class stiffs who wanted to be a part of it all etc. A perfect spot for a young up and coming Prototype G. So pay attention John, here is your Blue Print for Money Making:
Take over the Valet Stand
This very important. There will usually be some sort of hierarchy established already at most Valet Stands. You stage a Takeover like Jay-Z (just make sure you don’t get Ethered). You need to get rid of the top guy by any means necessary. Get the top guy fired if you need to. This is what I did: My Running Partner at time and I were hired the same day. I then proceded to tell the top guy who we will call “Shane” that we were taking over. Shane then told me to “f*** off”. So I dropped punches on him from all angles on him like Chuck “The Iceman” Lidell and finished him with my Signature, Six Punch Combo (Jab, Jab, Straight Right, Left hook to the body, Left hook to the head, Right hook to the head…gets them every time). In his defense, he was from somewhere like Irvine, California and I am from, well, The Streets so it wasn’t like we were in the same “weight class”. Plus, I think he was a Mormon or something (no offense to Mormons, but when was the last time you saw a Mormon on HBO PPV holding a belt above his head?). Now that we took over, my Running Partner and I were in charge of all the scheduling and we gave ourselves all the best shifts so we could Cake UP. Give the other guys the Sunday brunch shift where the walk with $45. Keep the Wed, Thur, Fri, Sat nights for you are your crew where you can split with 3 bills each.
Establish an Inner Circle
You need to create an Inner Circle of Valet guys who count, control and distribute the money. This way, you don’t have to split the cash evenly between all the workers. Lets say for instance there are 5 guys working on the night and $800 in tips to split up. Say three of you are in the “Inner Circle” and two are not. Give $200 in tips to each Inner Circle member and $100 to each guy outside the circle. Just that easy, you are making twice as much money as the next guy!
Learn Cars and who tips well
If you see a 60 year old cat roll up in a Sick Vintage GTO, let him know you will take care of him and give him a spot upfront. He might flip you a fifty. A 22 year old girl in a two door stick shift metallic purple Toyota Tercel is going to kick you a buck…..at best. Be wary of famous people. I parked Robin Leach’s ride(that jackass from “Lifestyles of The Rich and Famous” of all things) and he gave me $2! I wanted to grab the Louisville Slugger we kept at the Valet stand and destroy his ride, but my Running Partner stopped me. Who knows about how these young Hollywood actors tip today? My guess is they are cheap f***s. But then again, these days, it’s more likely that Ashton Kootchar chump would park my car than me parking his. (By the way, what is up with “young Hollywood” these days? What a collection of Fools. Every time I am partying in LA I can’t help but think how paper thin these guys are. I mean, come on, ripped jeans, dog tags, trucker hats, t-shirts ALWAYS with some gay design or writing on it, rings and bracelets? Weak. Not like I really care or give it much thought, but when someone finally wants to make a movie of my life, not one of these guys could play me on the big screen. Where are the DeNiro’s, Pacino’s, and Steven Bauer’s these days?)
Pretend like the Valet is full
This is a great hustle. Especially if you see some cat roll up fronting in a BMW with his girl. Tell him the lot is full but maybe you could make an exception if he takes care of you. He won’t want to seem like he is the cheap jerk like he really is in front of his chick. Good for a 20 plus every time. Make sure you exchange phone numbers with his girl when he is not looking.Guys like that just ask to get “knocked”.
Borrow the Fly Rides
One of the guys I worked with always took the NSX’s, Ferraris, and Porches for rides around town after the people entered the club. I personally liked the vintage Muscle Cars, Cadillacs and occasionally the Lincoln’s with Suicide Doors (and I don’t mean Suits VS SuicideGirls either). I would cruise the cars to say hello to girls I was trying to swoop on so they could see me in different fly rides all the time. This doesn’t really help you make Scratch, but it does help you Pick up Girls.
Crash Cars
We used to crash and dent cars all the time. When you return them to the people leaving the club, just make sure the person drives off the lot. Once they drive off the property you are no longer liable. Know where to pull the car up that is not well lit so the person can’t see the scratch all the way down his Lamborghini Countach. You don’t want to pay for all the damage you caused out of your own pocket, trust me.
The Skim
Every Valet lot has some system with tickets or what ever to track how many cars are parked every night. This is to determine how much money goes to the Club or the Valet Company. What ever the system is find a way to make it seem like you are parking less cars. Re-use tickets, make phony tickets, etc. You are the one doing all the work and you should make the Lionshare. Skim.
Swipe Pocket Change
Every car you park has at least a dollar in change in the ashtray. No one is going to miss it. Lets say you park 180 cars during a six hour shift, make sure you take a dollar in change out of every car. Who cares if the change is jingling in your pocket all night as you run around parking cars, you just increased your hourly pay rate by $30 an hour!
Swipe Drugs
If you are working at the right Nightclub/ Restaurant, plenty of Cars will have drugs in them. If a Mortgage Broker Type Guy pulls up in a Jaguar (actually, make that a two door weak BMW), “decent” girl in tow and they both have white rings around their nostrils, you better inspect the ride. When you park the ride, rifle thru the glove compartment, under the seat, and the center console. You will score. And it’s not like the guy is going to start yelling “Who took my Coke?!!!” when he realizes it’s gone. But know where the limits are. For instance, if an Asian Guy in a SharkSkin Issey Miyake Suit that looks like Brandon Lee, koi fish tattoos creeping up his neck, rolls up strapped in some Crazy Japanese Sports car with a super hot Asian Girl, “Blak Drgn” on his license plate, and you search his ride and find 20 kilos of heroin, you might not want to take it. Its up to you.
Deal Drugs
You have a perfect built in, ready made, supreme clientele (and I don’t mean that dope Ghostface album either). Other Valets, Club cocktail Waitresses, bartenders, Chefs, sous chefs, promoter guys, and bouncers all want drugs. Plus, a lot of the drugs you are getting are free. If you are working at the right spot, you should get solicited about 30 times a night for drugs by customers. I swooped some well known Actors girlfriends in those days because I was flipping, and the Actor guy thanked me for hooking them up after our transaction! Make sure you have it all; grass, beans, beeks, etc.. Start bankrolling other Valets. Who cares if you get fired? It is just a Valet job! Just make sure you save a little for a good Criminal Defense Attorney. (I am not certain, but I think the government doesn’t agree with some of this stuff…check your local laws). Who would have thought you could make $124,800 a year parking cars?! Tax free. Not bad for a 19 year old.
Lessons to be Learned for People who want to Valet their cars:
1.Never Valet your car
2.If you Really have to Valet your car, Never leave anything in it of value i.e. Guns, CASH, Drugs, uncut Emeralds, etc…
3.Always check your car before pulling away. (Unless you stole the car in the first place, which is the only circumstance that I will Valet)
4.Never Valet your car….
Keep in mind, there are a hundreds of us just like me, who cuss like me, dress sharp like me, walk, talk, act like me, might be the next best thing, but not quite me.The Rest is Up to You………………
“Pyrex Stirs turned into Cavalli furs
The full length cat, when I wave, the kitty purs
All my niggaz caped up, selling grey and beige dust
Had that money right or end up in the trunk taped up
We don’t chase a duck, we only raise the bucks
Peel money rolls until our thumbs get the papercuts
Wanna know the time? Better clock us
Niggaz bite the style from the shoes to the watches
We cloud hoppers, tailored suits like we mobsters
Break down keys into dimes and sell ’em like gobstoppers”
(Sick lyrics from “Me too” by Pusha T and Malice from Clipse featuring Pharrell, G Manifesto Certified Track of the Week)
People are constantly saying to me, “How do you have the CASH to cruise around the world, stay out all night, date models and live the Charmed life of an International Playboy? Great question. Everyone seems to be strapped for cash these days. Everyone seems to be a few dollars short on the lunch bill. Go to a dinner with ten people? Better not be the last around the check or your going to get stuck for a grip. Everyone is forgetting to tip their waiter these days. Who knows what it is? Gas prices? Credit Card Juice payments? Overleveraged on exotic mortgages? (as a rule of thumb go with exotic girls, not exotic mortgages)
The G Manifesto is going to deal with some of these issues. A true G doesn’t really have a lot of these problems. Gas Prices? I make CASH off rising gas prices by buying “calls” in the Commodity Markets (in fact, if the cost is going down I by “puts”. I don’t really care which way the market moves as long as I am on the right side of the trade.) Credit Cards? Don’t use them. I use CASH. Mortgages? I can’t stand real estate people. I pay CASH for cribs and get them out of my life as quickly as possible. So “..Where do you get the money?…” Again, Great question. Here is one answer:
I was having a conversation recently with one of my childhood friends (who shall remain nameless) over dinner at The Restaurant, Alex in Wynn Hotel in Las Vegas. (By the way Alex is really first rate. Alex Stratta really knows what he is doing, if you need to make sure you get a good table, you can drop my name, I am easy like that, but that is neither here nor there.) My friend, who is a first rate G, put simply, is a Smuggler. He is a true legend in two games like Pee Wee Kirkland. He has really none of the cash flow problems that most Americans have. He has a closet full of custom Italian suits, dates models, travels tons, lives the life of an International Playboy, and most important, he is liquid. (I would be lying if I didn’t say that my tie collection is far better than his, but in his defense he doesn’t roll ties too often and usually opts to go “blown open”). Being a Smuggler is a tricky job where like Big Daddy Kane said “Ain’t no half stepping”. You really need to go “all in” like Johnny Chan at the World Series of Poker. The upside is you can take all the vacation time you want and you don’t have to fill out any forms during a job interview. There is also excitement, challenge, adventure, and tons of Scratch. For the type G personality, this job is like Nirvana (and I am not talking about that early 90’s band where the guy shot him self and left his head all red like that little orphan Annie either). I figured I would share some of the highlights of our conversation on the Keys to being a Smuggler and the similarities with being a G. (keep in mind I have never been involved in this line of work, but I have worked for a Import/ Export company that was based out of Miami, so draw your own conclusions.)
It really doesn’t matter what you Smuggle; Columbian Beaks or Dutch Beans, Croatian Cigarettes or Cuban Cigars, Russian Heaters or Panamanian Platinum, Sierra Leone Diamonds or Sri Lankan Sapphires, its all about not paying tariffs (avoid human smuggling and sex trade smuggling, leave that to the Snake Heads). The basics are the same.
1. Data gathering, planning and Execution. These are really the cornerstones for the Smuggler G. You have to know what you’re doing and really visualize the mission going down the right way. Glass half-full type stuff. Very similar to Components of a Magical Night.
2. Always work in a small team. This again is very similar to a night out for the G. Never allow anyone in your crew that you haven’t known for a minimum of 5 years. Don’t bring anyone “along for the ride” either. Every person must have a function. Pilots, Mechanics and Boat Captains are worth there weight in gold (and I don’t mean Solid Gold that Gentleman’s Club in North Miami Beach). Same thing when you go out at night. You don’t want to bring some skippy along for a major heist who isn’t gonna pull his weight with CASH, connections, juice, on the fly ideas… etc.
3. Have a reliable Source Man. This is one of the most important aspects. I can’t even comprehend how many times I have heard my friend say “no product, no money”. The Source Man needs to get the loads prepared, make sure the landing strips are legit and make the payoffs. It’s not unlike knowing the Doorman and VIP host at a nightclub. You need someone to really take care of you. You don’t want the VIP host to give away your table just because some jackass Actor guy rolled into the spot, for instance.
4. Have good tools of the trade. Transportation (boats, planes), radar detection, and weapons (many old school smugglers swear against weapons….my friend always brings a Desert Eagle for rival crews…who am I to argue with him?). Also, my friend dresses sharp when he smuggles. He has a penchant for Valentino and Roberto Cavalli suits and Gucci Loafers. It’s important to look smooth when you’re smuggling if you want to be the best.
5. Always use aliases. When you’re a Smuggler, you have to do everything with fake identification (remember all this is illegal, although it has been around since government imposed taxes). Its also standard practice for a G to use Aliases when he is in any city for any extended period of time. With the amount of girls that I know and date, it’s imperative that I use fake names. Dating four girls at the same that work at the same nightclub is nearly impossible without the use of Aliases. Hell, I’ve dated two sisters at the same time by using aliases…true story. The key is you have to be careful when one sister says “You have to meet my sister, you and her will get along so well……” I was really surprised a few years later, when I saw both of them at the same time in a Nightclub. But, I was smooth enough to convince them that I had an identical twin brother…..
6. Getting the product In-country. The main thing to figure out is if you are going to do it by boat or by plane. My friend prefers plane. This is similar to when you are going to a dope nightclub. You need to figure out if you are going to pay your way in, talk your way in, or use the back or side door. In smuggling however, you can vanish (and I don’t mean Vanishing Pinstripes on my new Etro suit….thanks Kean) if you don’t pay off the right people.
7. Making the transaction. The best way is to already have a buyer for your product. You don’t want to be sitting on product and negotiating and crap. This will only expose you to potential problems and gets you in closer contact with people you want no part of. This differs from when you roll out at night. It’s more fun to “wheel and deal” with girls at the spot than to have something already set up. If it’s already set up, what’s the point of going out in the first place? Better off settling into a Super Tuscan or California Cult Cabernet and some Goat Cheese Raviolis, and Carpaccios or some Squid Ink Linguine. Or a lamb filet and côtelette, ratatouille, goat cheese liquid, pommes Briana and thyme essence with a Snow Bunny.
Obviously, you have to deal with many more aspects to be a Top Ranked Smuggler, like Rinsing Money (we will handle in a later installment of The G Manifesto), dealing with snitches, people flipping, hideouts, and cool out periods. This should be enough to get you started for now, those credit card juice payments can be a real pain. The Rest is Up to You……………
“I couldn’t close a screen door before reading this and after studying each line after receipt I popped my turtle into 2 skanks this weekend fresh out of Stingaree rolling on beans.
You have a fucking aura about you Kizer, I am bitch slangin’ male gigolo now. I picked up a nickel plated Eagle a few weeks ago and keep that in the inner pocket of my Baby Blue Armani custom fitted. I am jet broke right now, but looking to pull off a heist soon. I hope we don’t butt heads at the same bank, going against a legend is a scary thought.”
and
“For those that are not skilled in the science of the “close” this was a real eye opening article. For so many years I tried to be the nice guy and if it happened it happened. I saw these beautiful women hanging out with skinny white kids with wrinkly shirts from Tahoe pulling bar snacks out of their pocket and I just didn’t get it. I took your words to the streets, to the hilltops and to the nightclubs and to my amazement they worked. Another great life changing article Mr. Mason. I don’t think the average person understands the gems that are found in your wisdom. This is like studying Martial Arts from Master Azato or Master Itosu. It’s one of life’s opportunities that only come around every thousand years. I’m sure that some just push the G Manifesto aside as the misogynistic ramblings of a mad man but there is real genius to it if one has the patience to read between the lines. Master Mason I am forever indebted.”
Michael Porfirio Mason
AKA The Peoples Champ
AKA Moon Curser
The Guide to Getting More out of Life http://www.thegmanifesto.com
Greasing is one of the Cornerstones of The G Manifesto. The purpose, obviously, is to make life easier and really, to get a return on your investment. The Art of the Grease is to make it seem like you are actually not Greasing. Most people don’t like to be bought. That is why the Holiday Season is really the best time to Grease. During the Holidays, you can give “gifts” to people under the premise of the Season of Giving. I know the Holiday Season is over, but January is technically still the Holiday Season on The G Manifesto Calendar because holidays are often spent away from home, like in ST. Bart’s, for instance. The Holiday Season really should be called “Grease Season”.
When you’re Greasing, you always want to be subtle. Never make a big show of it (this is one of the big distinctions between greasing and merely tipping: in tipping you always want the fly girl you’re with to notice). Always pull someone aside or meet a good “drop-off” location. Or have one of your operatives do the work for you, depending on the Grease. Here is a basic guide to some of the people you will want to Grease this Holiday Season and what to give them:
1. Drivers. You should have at least a few different drivers on your payroll. These guys can really get you out of jam and you need to keep the wheels greased (no pun intended). Like when you’re out in the suburbs at some Mansion party and you need to split out of there fast with a couple of fly suburban girls. News just in, cabs are hard to come by in the suburbs. Come to think of it, Dope Nightclubs, Gentleman’s Clubs, Sick Restaurants and Culture are hard to come by in the suburbs also. Regardless, take care of your drivers. I usually give my drivers a couple of Montecristo No.2’s or some other dope Cuban Cigar.
2. Resturanteurs and Matre’D’s (also Bartenders). It really goes without saying that these guys are super important to have on your team. I like to give these guys a nice Zippo, Dunhill, or Dupont lighter. It’s a good move whether or not these guys smoke. Most resturanteurs are so busy they don’t have the time to pick up a dope lighter and are forced to use Bics. Even if they don’t smoke, they have customers that do (like me) and if they are a restaurateur worth their weight, they will need to light a ladies cigarette. This grease move will really pay dividends next time you need the best table and help with general good will.……
3. Bouncers. Only grease bouncers with CASH. And stick to the important ones, like the Head Bouncer and the Doorman. There is a decent amount of turnover in the bouncing world.
4. Tailor. This is one of the most important people to grease. After all, he is in charge of how you look. I mean, really this guy might be the most important. You should have a very good tailor (Italian of course) and you need to take care of him (if you don’t have a good one, your scene is pretty pathetic. For instance, at any given time I have at least 10 I am working with, usually Northern, Central, and Southern Italy is well represented. If you really need help, ask me, Ill give you a referral, I am that type of guy…..) I always get my tailor a really good Super Tuscan. You will be amazed at how well this works. The pro bono Brioni pocket squares and Tax-free purchases on the flip side will make the Super Tuscan more than pay for itself.
5. Barber. Very important as well. After all he is in charge of your hair. And if you have hair as beautiful as myself (you can thank my Mom) you don’t want some hack from Super Cuts or Family Fades giving you a trim. Nor do you really want some hairdresser party chick, or Suicide Girl still up on beaks or beans dialing you in. You want a real pro, a legit Barber that has been cutting hair since the days of Bugsy Siegel. Even better if the guy has cut Bugsy’s hair in the past. Again, this guy should be Italian. And Super Tuscans are the grease as well. This will really come in handy when you need a last second haircut before shooting to South Beach, Miami.
6. Associates that work for you. The best grease is a meal with drinks. This way you can keep your “ear to the street”.
7. Butcher, Fishmonger, and girls that work in your local Italian Market. CASH. Well worth it too, to get those extra good cuts of meat, to get super thin sliced prosciutto, the freshest fish, and a smile from the girls. A smile from a cute girl goes a long way in my book. So does a hug and a kiss from a fly girl, but that’s a different story…..
8. Stockbrokers, Various Real Estate knuckleheads, Accountants and Lawyers that are on your team. These guys don’t really deserve much, you pay them enough already. If they like to bend the rules for you; then you can hook them up. California wines are always good. Never CASH with these guys.
9. Cops. And when I say “cops” I am referring to “bent cops”. The ones that are of value. The one’s that can run a plate number for you, or let you know when they are planning a raid and who they are going after. The best grease for these guys is beautiful girls. I mean, how many fly girls do you know that want to date a cop? Cops only date fly girls in Hollywood movies or on Miami Vice. And keep in mind, Crockett and Tubbs wore Armani…….Usually after a bent cop spends a night with one of the girls on your team, they are ready to keep the information flowing. Information is the greatest commodity, right? (Oil and Gas futures are not too bad either, if you know what your doing). In fact, introducing girls to a cop, is a good way to get a cop bent in the first place…..
10. Politicians (from City Hall on up). This is the major leagues of Grease. There has been a lot of negative press in the news lately about this and you have to be very stealth. Obviously CASH is the move. Time on charter planes is also a classic. Easier to track though… That’s why I prefer CASH. If you don’t understand the value of greasing politicians, then I am sure your problems don’t end there. Keep in mind the best politicians to Grease. Don’t bite off more you can chew. If your business is mostly locally based, you don’t need to go after the President. Start small. City Hall guys are easy. Girls work well with them too. Fundraisers are always great opportunities to increase your influence (just last week I went to one for a gentleman who is running for State Assembly, for instance). Just make sure you cover your tracks, and of course, dress sharp (Custom hand made Italian pinstripe suits, blue Zegna shirts, blue and white Zegna ties, baby blue Kiton pocket squares and Cap-Toe lace ups by A. Testoni is a good outfit to go with, just in case you didn’t know that already……..)
There are other people you can grease. Greasing needs to be tailored to your individual scene. Maybe if you play a lot of golf ( I don’t), you might want to take care of the jerk that carries your bag around while you waste your time trying to hit a little ball around some grass. To each his own. But always think grease. It’s a greasy world, slide into it (so to speak)……..The Rest is Up to You……
Side Note:
There is none this week. I need to go, I am late for a fundraiser……….
Michael Porfirio Mason
AKA The Peoples Champ
AKA Slick
The Guide to Getting More out of Life http://www.thegmanifesto.com
